I just sat here and typed up a really long post and blogger ate it. That's right ... it's gone. I don't know whether to cry or just walk away. I think i'll try to retype the main points for now...
My mind is too full of other things at present to continue with the posts below. I had a crazy week. It was happy, sad, dissapointing, fun, reflective, argumentative, frustrating, busy, and many other things as well. As my mind absorbs and heals from the craziness I find myself reflecting and wanting to make some changes. Bottom line: I'm done. I'm done doing too much. I'm done doing everything I can do because I think I should. I sat yesterday and did almost nothing but enjoy time with my sons and my husband. We watched movies and football, ate leftovers, put up the Christmas tree, played with the kids, and I even knitted for a while. It was great.
The comment Rachel left about "could do's" vs. "should do's" really had an impact on me. I've realized over the past week how many things I put on myself that just aren't necessary. I have to come to terms with the fact that it's okay to say "i'm a mom" instead of "i'm a mom-aerospace-engineer-fabric-artist-business-owner-craft-fair-boother-math-tutor". It's okay to just be me, Celena. I don't have to do it all just because I can. It's okay to slow down and smell the roses, so to speak. And I don't have to try so hard to be friends with people just because our lives have brought us together. I don't have to hide who I am so that more people like me. I'm done with all of that, at least for a while. I'm going to enjoy the "present". I'm going to enjoy my time with my children and husband. And next year, instead of having a craft booth two days after Thanksgiving, i'm going to be out with the crowds shopping and drinking coffee and putting up our Christmas tree like everybody else.
I'll get back to the subject of Truth soon. I find it an ironic one, being that I find it is different for everyone. I don't believe there is one single truth and that, to me, is Truth. And as you requested Andy, I will share my religious journey with you. As I sat and reflected on this a bit before my week of craziness I realized something quite profound about myself. Why is it that I have more negative memories about the past than positive ones? Is it my nature? Is it the circumstances of my childhood? How can I change this? My new challenge: To make the positive/happy/fun times of my life have a stronger impact on my memory than the negative/sad/depressing/stressful times. Because all we really have is the present and our memories. And I'm going to spend more time enjoying my husband, my children and my friends because you never know when God is going to take those people away from you.
To all of my friends ... I hope you find the time to enjoy these things yourselves. I know i've read emails from at least four of you over the past week that started with an apology about how life is so busy and it's hard to find the time, etc. I know i've been guilty of this as well. I hope this holiday season and new year bring with it a sense of peace for everyone and the ability to slow down enough to enjoy life. The little things in life are too precious to let slip away. Go have a cup of coffee with a friend, sit on the floor and play with your child, call that special friend you haven't talked to in a long time, lay on the couch with your spouse and just be.
~Celena
1 comment:
I really feel for the craziness that your holiday left you with. It's so hard sometimes to just stop and be. I wonder how many simple blessings we've missed because we've just been so damn focused on getting something extraneous done. However, I think you're on a good path. As we said on the phone, awareness is the first step to healing and making the change. And, now, you're aware. I know you'll make the change.
As for our discussion, I think I need to keep the ball in your court a bit longer. I'm really interested to hear your take on "truth" and what that means to you. For me, it's a pivotal issue that defines a lot. I'm curious to hear your views. So, in the meantime, tag! You're it!
- andy
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