About Time!

Hey! It's nice to have you back. Seriously though, it really is good to re-start this conversation. It's too bad we're not able to share these over a nice long evening at Perkins or Denny's but then our faithful three readers wouldn't be able to eavesdrop either!

Anyway, all that aside, I hear you. I'm right there with you. I don't really feel like working for "The Man" anymore either. There is something incredibly freeing in being able to determine my own hours, my own schedule, and all that sort of thing. Yet, that is also something that requires a bit of working for "The Man" to get to. It's kind of weird how it works but, well, there you are. The irony is, and this is in response to those who might suggest that we are simply lazy or are not wanting to work, is that I really do like work. Even now, I'm pondering when and how I'll be able to go back to school to do my Master's work. Do I need to? No. Do I like the challenge of learning and growing? Yes. For me, this is the same thing. It simply builds off of one another.

In keeping with your previous "rambling" post, I think I'll take the same liberty this evening. My previous post some months ago dealt with a topic that is becoming more and more dear to my heart, the topic of simplicity. We as a family have actually taken this philosophy to a new level in some respects. Recently, we consolidated all of our things, giving much away to Goodwill as well as simply discarding some crazy junk that we had, and moved in with our in-laws. We did this in order to help them out financially as well as to enable us to do some fast track debt reduction and savings. It's a huge endeavor but it has been especially interesting to see how freeing just giving or throwing some junk away has been. The less stuff, the less worry. A book I've recently been reading, Serve God Save the Planet, puts it thusly: "Each time we divest ourselves of possessions, we have fewer earthly things that bind us." Very true.

I feel compelled to come up with some closing question that oozes profundity but that particular skill seems to escape me this evening. Maybe it's just best to let it suffice that our conversation is back in the swing again and we'll just propose to let thing progress organically. Good to be back!

The Search for Balance

So Andy has really been giving me a hard time about dropping the ball on this blog. I've been meaning to get back to it ... I really have. I've just had a hard time with my focus lately. I seem to have a one track mind these days. Please forgive me if this turns into a mess of random ramblings. That's what my mind has been up to lately so that's probably what's going to come out. I figured since I can't decide on a single topic to continue the conversation with, I would just let my mind wander and my fingers do the talking.

Someone once asked me an interesting questions. "If you wrote a book about yourself, what would you call it?" My answer: "The Search for Balance". Yep ... that was about eight years ago and it still holds true today. In a world of extremes i'm still searching for that happy middle ground. Right now i'm trying to balance (more like juggle) all of my duties like cleaning, cooking, childcare, engineering work and the like with some of my loves like knitting, dyeing, and other crafty things. The former leaves little time for the latter but i'm trying. I'm still in a spring cleaning frenzy too. I feel that if I can just get this place cleaned up and cleared out that it would allow me more time and energy to do some of the things I want to do instead of all my time being taken up by the things I have to do. It's a constant struggle though because on the days where I spend my time clearing out a closet, the dishes and laundry pile up and I feel like i'm now behind instead of ahead by having a clutter point marked off my list. I'm still going full speed ahead though in hopes that it will all eventually balance out. I got my very own shed now too so that's helping tremendously with the clearing out thing.

I've been thinking a lot lately about what I want to do with my life when the kids start school. One thing I have decided is that I really don't want to go back to working "for the man". I want to make my own schedule. I'm not a morning person and any job requiring me to be there ready to go at eight in the morning is just not a good thing. Sure i'll do it for a while but then i'll stray and before long it will be closer to ten in the morning and then i'll feel all guilty and have this stress following me around. Another thing is that I want to do something I love. I'm reminded of a saying my hair colorist in Texas shared with me. (back when i could justify spending all that money to have someone else color the grey out of my hair) She was trying to figure out what to do with her life and was troubled that what she loved didn't pay very well. Her father told her "do what you love and the money will follow". So she did and before long she had worked her way into a fancy salon and was payed very well for what she did. (and she deserved every single penny of it, in my opinion) Sure there was a time where the money wasn't great as she worked her way up but in a few years she got a lot of recognition for being one of the best colorists around and was hired by a great salon to do just coloring ... exactly what she wanted to do.

So that's what i've been trying to focus on lately ... doing what I love. And what is that? Crafty stuff. I may not ever make any money at it but I at least have to give it a try. I've got several different projects going right now. Most of it is still in my mind due to lack of time but that's okay. A lot of great things start as ideas that grow in the mind. I'm just happy that I can make money doing some engineering work from home so I don't have to deal with the whole "starving artist" thing. :) And when the boys are a little older and can entertain themselves a little better i'll have some good ideas to work on. The engineering work actually hasn't been all that busy lately which, for me, is another stress. I'm very fortunate that it has been there for me to this point but I have always worried about something like this happening ... the work just not coming in. So that's been additional motivation for me to try and make something of my artsy side.

So there you have it ... that's what my mind has been consumed with Andy. I have always lived in a bit of a struggle between my artsy side and my technical side. A lot of people are one or the other. I am both. You would think that was a good thing but it actually has been the source of a lot of frustration for me throughout life. It seems as though I can't ever give myself fully to one and be the best at it. I go back and forth as one boils to the top and has to be expressed only to settle down again and make room for the other to then boil to the top. So now i'm working on some crafty things that actually have quite a bit of a technical side. The chemistry of dyeing and the calculation of knitting patterns, for example. I've even considered drawing schematics of some of my crafty ideas in AutoCAD but that's probably a bit much.

I don't know where all of this will lead, if anywhere at all. I'm just trying to "do what I love". Hopefully "the money will follow" and I will work myself right into a business as the kids go to school. That way I won't have to face the burning question of "what do I do now?". And i'll still be able to pick the kids up from school and help with field trips and school parties and soccer practice and all that good stuff.