Friendships That Go By...

That's a really good question that you pose toward the end there. Why do we find ourselves letting what were, at least at one time, valuable and good friendships and relationships fall by the wayside? I think the answer has many answers, and for many people, they may be different.

I think the first reason is simply that life gets in the way. Early on in life, in high school and early adulthood, we have tons of time and little money, so our friends are our life. We spend every night, some mornings, and the rest of the time on the phone or emailing them. They are our support structure, even in some ways over and above our parents. We are striking out on our own, we're all in the same boat, and we are here for one another. Yet, somewhere along the line, as college comes and this one moves to go to school three states away, or this one gets engaged, or that one even gets married and has a child, the dynamic changes. Our social structure has suffered a severe fracture, and life as we know it is no longer the same. We have other priorities, careers, and other people who demand our time more. I don't believe that we intend to let those relationships fall by the wayside, in fact, we're probably adamant about not letting that happen. I remember you and I doing the same thing, saying to one another, "Let's not let it go this long between talking again", yet, we did.

I really think that is the number one cause as to why we let that happen. Yet, there's got to be more. Ironically, and I really sound like a parent now, but I think the next part is maturity. As we grow into adults, we really do become new people. Our personalities change because the world around us has drastically changed. No longer are we in the protective bubble of grade school where we know the boundary lines and the social status (i.e, she's the popular one, he's the super jock, she's the school slut) but are now thrust into a world of indecision, uncertainty, and, in some ways, fear. As we deal with these things and learn and grow, we do so in different ways. Some cope through working through these pressing issues and come out on the other side better people. Some press through and get beaten down. Others even retreat, trying to still exist given the same pathos that reigned in high school. As this happens, we find our friendships coming and going, becoming fine tuned by our growth.

I could go on a bit more, and this sounds way more grown up and "know-it-all-ish" than is intended, but it's my two-cents worth on the issue. What do you think?

- Andy