Friendships That Go By...

That's a really good question that you pose toward the end there. Why do we find ourselves letting what were, at least at one time, valuable and good friendships and relationships fall by the wayside? I think the answer has many answers, and for many people, they may be different.

I think the first reason is simply that life gets in the way. Early on in life, in high school and early adulthood, we have tons of time and little money, so our friends are our life. We spend every night, some mornings, and the rest of the time on the phone or emailing them. They are our support structure, even in some ways over and above our parents. We are striking out on our own, we're all in the same boat, and we are here for one another. Yet, somewhere along the line, as college comes and this one moves to go to school three states away, or this one gets engaged, or that one even gets married and has a child, the dynamic changes. Our social structure has suffered a severe fracture, and life as we know it is no longer the same. We have other priorities, careers, and other people who demand our time more. I don't believe that we intend to let those relationships fall by the wayside, in fact, we're probably adamant about not letting that happen. I remember you and I doing the same thing, saying to one another, "Let's not let it go this long between talking again", yet, we did.

I really think that is the number one cause as to why we let that happen. Yet, there's got to be more. Ironically, and I really sound like a parent now, but I think the next part is maturity. As we grow into adults, we really do become new people. Our personalities change because the world around us has drastically changed. No longer are we in the protective bubble of grade school where we know the boundary lines and the social status (i.e, she's the popular one, he's the super jock, she's the school slut) but are now thrust into a world of indecision, uncertainty, and, in some ways, fear. As we deal with these things and learn and grow, we do so in different ways. Some cope through working through these pressing issues and come out on the other side better people. Some press through and get beaten down. Others even retreat, trying to still exist given the same pathos that reigned in high school. As this happens, we find our friendships coming and going, becoming fine tuned by our growth.

I could go on a bit more, and this sounds way more grown up and "know-it-all-ish" than is intended, but it's my two-cents worth on the issue. What do you think?

- Andy

On Friendship

Andy and I talk about many things. As of late it has been about some of our fellow classmates and old friends from high school. Not in a bad way, just making some observations. Most of us have grown up, gotten married, had kids. But some just seem to be stuck at a point in life which i'm very happy to have moved past. I've been going through a phase lately, probably thanks to class reunion planning and myspace, of reconnecting with old friends. I've realized as i've gotten older just how special true friendships are. Along with the joy of finding old friends comes some regret for letting certain people get away. We are lucky to have things like the internet that allow us to find people we otherwise would never hear from or see again in this lifetime. There is a saying that comes to mind here. It's one about certain people that enter your life and leave an impression that changes you forever. Maybe i'll find the correct wording sometime and post it here. (Until then i'll just run with what I remember of it.) I have been truly blessed to have had such wonderful friends enter my life. I am even more blessed to have the opportunity to reconnect with some of those with whom my life led me away from. We all have many types of friends as we journey through life, some more special than others. There are work friends, acquaintances, soccer team friends, school friends, mom friends, college friends, etc. When you run into someone you haven't seen in five, ten, even fifteen years and it's like you never spent any time away ... that is truly a special thing. I've been very fortunate to have some friends like that in my life. And even more fortunate to have the opportunity to reconnect with them. There are people i've come across in life that I have felt I should be friends with. Some people that i've tried really hard to be friends with. I've realized that life is too short for things like that. When you have to start all over each time you see eachother, even if it's only been a few months, then maybe that friendship just wasn't meant to be. I would much rather spend my time on other things. This may sound harsh and like I won't make any new friends that way but this is not the case. As I sit here thinking of all the special friends that have entered my life I realize something ... none of those people took "work" to become friends with. Things just fell into place. And this goes for every phase of life i've been through. For example, neighborhood friends from childhood like Larry D. Our lives put us in contact with eachother. We lived on the same street. There were plenty of other kids in the neighborhood that I was friends with but I now realize how special of a friend Larry was and now again is. We never had to work on our friendship, it just happened. And after not seeing eachother for twelve years we have found that we are able to pick back up right where we left off. And I am so thankful for that. Then there are school friends like Andy. We just happened to sit next to eachother in fifth grade. We had classes together throughout school and rode the bus together. Circumstances put us together and we easily became friends. We have been out of touch for years at a time but each time we have been able to pick back up like we were never apart. That is a truly special thing. Then there is my college friend Rachel. One of the most special friends and the sister I never had. She was my Maid of Honor when I got married. Rachel and I had many fun times together in college. We have lived in completely different parts of the state and then the country from eachother for six years now yet we are as close as ever. And it doesn't matter if we go two months without talking or two days. It is always the same. There are never any hard feelings for not keeping up with eachother when one of us has a lot going on. We just pick right back up like we just talked yesterday. I am so fortunate to have friends like this to write about. And the best thing is that Larry, Andy and Rachel are not the only ones. There's Cari, Dave, Andre, Rose, Sarah and several others. It is in the spirit of these friendships that I would like to get this blog started. For Andy and I have many great conversations that we would like to share with you.

Here is a question to ponder:
Why is it that we sometimes don't see how special a friendship is until it is gone?

That's all I have for now. I hope you enjoy what comes from this blog as much as Andy and I will enjoy writing it for you.

~Celena