A Conversation Between Friends

Wicked Thoughts

2007-08-09T08:14:00.000-04:00

Hey, I know we're both busy and whatnot so I thought I'd toss another iron into the fire here to try and reinvigorate our discussions. This particular spark comes from a book I'm reading now entitled, Wicked. The author builds off of what we know from Frank L. Baum's The Wonderful Wizard of Oz story and builds a backstory to it, detailing the childhood and young adulthood of the Wicked Witch of the West. Essentially, how'd she come to be who she was? Interwoven within it are all these politically and socially intriguing plotlines and a very interesting discussion on the nature of evil as well. It's pretty great so far. Not quite the family-friendly environment that the movie possessed but really fun to read and think about.

Well, there's this one part during which a character, Fiyero, witnesses a mindless bit of politically sanctioned violence which is shrugged off by many around him. Here's the very brief thought that follows:

"Was it an accident I say that, Fiyero wondered, looking at the manager with new eyes. Or is it just that the world unwraps itself to you, again and again, as soo as you are ready to see it anew?"

I think that second line gives us a lot to discuss. Is that the way the world works for you?

It's Been Too Long

2007-08-03T07:59:00.000-04:00

Okay, it's been too long since we've discussed anything here but both of our lives have been understandably busy. But, let's kick things back into high gear. I'm going to take a page out of your book and offer a link to something but this one is actually linking back to my blog. I'm in the midst of reading this book right now called An Emergent Manifesto of Hope and I posted some quotes from the different authors that I found insightful. Was wondering what you thought about some of these?

Give it a read and let's discuss!

Here's the link: Emergent Hope

Taking it a Step Further

2007-07-20T08:15:00.000-04:00

Okay, yes, that is a bit of a cop out. Cheater. But I still love you.

Now, as far as what is said, I agree but I'm going to also up the ante a bit. Clearly, we're screwed up people and our bodies, as we're so lovingly told, essentially begin dying the moment we get the ball rolling. So building our lives upon those sandy shores isn't going to work in the least, right? Well, I contend that trying to find ourselves, at least our peace and happiness, within, while noble, will still leave us wanting. Let me explain.

We are a broken people. We are comprised of shattered dreams, unmet expectations, and flaws beyond number. Essentially, what I'm saying is that we are far from perfect. So while we can attain a sort of "OK-ness" within, where we're sort of at some sense of home within our own skin, I contend that we need more. This is why I tend toward faith in God. Does that makes sense?

Now you can't escape with a "yoga" post! :)

Just a Tidbit

2007-07-18T11:37:00.000-04:00

So I get this daily email from Yoga Journal and the email from yesterday reminded me of your post about searching for balance. I'm totally cheating here by borrowing from their email for my post but at least it's something. And I know you don't do yoga but it still applies.

The Inner Journey

In a workshop with Dharma Mittra over the weekend, he taught in detail about the importance of the inner self. The asana practice was an offering to the divine. He reminded us that our identity does not rest in the body or the mind; it rests in the embodied soul.

The body, like everything in life, is impermanent. Youth comes and goes. People in our lives come and go. Wealth and job security come and go. Are we able to maintain our happiness throughout life’s fluctuations? Yes, if we find our stability within, rather than through these external sources.

This week, navigate your own inner journey through your yoga practice with the inner map of the five koshas. After working the physical body, breath, and mental bodies, prepare for the wisdom body, and finally, the bliss body. Learn how Dharma Mittra discovered yoga, and be sure to read the exclusive YJ Interview with him in the upcoming September issue of Yoga Journal.

Om Namah Shivaya,

Andrea Kowalski

Pendulums and Parenting

2007-07-10T21:32:00.000-04:00

Hey, finally back to it. And yes, I think you're definately on to something here in regards to the impression that parenting leaves upon us that enables us to live our lives in some form of balance. I think that my life has been greatly impacted by the fact that I grew up with parents who stuck it out through thick and thin and who never walked those painful halls of divorce. I also credit them with instilling within me an appreciation for hard work as well as for enjoying the little things in life. These have all helped to make me the person I am.

Yet, there are always down sides too. My Dad is what we might call a recovering workaholic so that's something that I've almost sprung away from. I value hard work and work hard when I'm at it but am also deathly afraid of working to a point that my family is hindered, hurt, or left behind. This is good but also keeps me fearful of moving toward some decisions. Another aspect of my parentage was that my parents have never been ridiculously affectionate people toward one another. They share a kiss here and there, hugs too, but I don't know, it was just never whatever. Plus, leisure such as vacations and going here and there and trying new stuff, not really on the menu. Those things seem to be simple but they've definately worked toward influencing this part of my life.

But yeah. I totally agree that the influence of our parents has a huge effect on how we balance our lives. But I do believe that the decision is ultimately ours. There are learned behaviors but we also have a sense of right and wrong, a sense of will that is deep within us. Our bodies are pretty amazing and do a damn good job of communicating to us when things are wrong. This also applies to areas of balance. When we find ourselves feeling overwhelmed, we usually are. We need to learn to listen.

Just as a side note here too, since our conversation tends to touch on faith more often than not, it's pretty interesting that the Christian tradition deals with the idea of rest in a pretty dramatic fashion. God himself set the standard of resting and commands us to do the same. Yet our "go get 'em" American mentality lives in this mindset that has us pushing the limits, trying to fit all that we can in at the cost of our health, our finances, and more. We need to learn to stop and, dare I say it, smell the roses. We may cram in every experience that we possibly can but we're hurting ourselves more if we don't allow the time to experience and really "be in" that moment. Does that make sense?

The Ebb and Flow of Life

2007-06-29T00:13:00.000-04:00

What a great post Andy. First of all, on your question about the search for balance ... I think that's what life is all about. It's a constant search for balance. I was thinking about this as I was running yesterday. I think life is meant to be a swinging pendulum, at least a little. Some of us swing wildly from one side of imbalance to another and some of us manage to hover about the center. And to me at least, it seems as if this follows with the laws of nature. Everything goes in cycles. Life and death, the ebb and flow of the tides, the changing of seasons, the orbit of the earth and other planets around the sun ... Life is a wild ride and you can either jump right in and tame it or you can hold on for dear life swinging wherever it takes you. How fast and how high your pendulum swings depends on so many things. What do you think it depends on? Do you think we have any control in this matter? I think one main contributing factor is your parents and your childhood with those parents. That's why I want so badly to give my kids a stable and love-filled childhood. What tools/skills were you raised with that you feel prepared you for your adult life? While it's true that we all become adults and make our own decisions, our childhood is what brings us to adulthood and therefore plays a major role in our adult decisions. And I think there are a lot of parents out there who don't fully realize the profound effect their actions and way of living have on their kids.

I could continue to veer way off topic here into a discussion on parenting styles but i'm too tired. This post isn't nearly as profound as what I had worked up in my head yesterday but it's late and i'm starting to doze off. I'll leave you with a quote I borrowed from an email I received today.

"Life is not a journey to the grave with the intention of arriving safely in a pretty and well-preserved body. But rather, to skid in broadside, thoroughly used up, totally worn out, and loudly proclaiming .."WOW, WHAT A RIDE!'"'
Robert Fulghum

Balance Revisited

2007-06-26T21:54:00.000-04:00

Let me begin this post by responding to your last. It's a good question and a classic question, "Why do bad things happen to good people?" The answer is simply nonexistent. Some will argue that the sin of man has brought such things into being and I think that there is some validity to that truth but the bottom line is that it sucks. It sucks to watch anyone, and especially a loved one, suffer with such a dire and devastating disease. But, as your personal blog noted, it's important to realize our frailty and to learn to enjoy and truly live in the moment, tasting and savoring the grace that is there.

Okay, now that I've had my little sermonette, I thought I'd throw out where my minds been as of late. It's nothing particularly groundbreaking but I can't help but continue to search for balance. I realize it's a lifelong search but it'd be nice to sometimes catch the pendulum in the middle, for just a few weeks or so. Whether the situation is money, work, family, friends, or the future, it seems incredibly difficult to find that point of harmony between all. Perhaps it's too much to ask. What do you think?

A Question for God ...

2007-06-21T12:02:00.000-04:00

Cancer, why?

Tagging In...

2007-06-19T21:48:00.000-04:00

Well, it seems I'm likely to follow suit with this posting as I really don't have much brain power to bring anything of value to the conversation at this moment either. I do hope that you're feeling better and that you're recovering okay. We are on the final leg of passing it around our little living arrangement here and it's been nothing but fun! But, alas, all good things must come to an end, thankfully!

I look forward to hearing more of your thoughts on these topics we've been discussing. I continue to have things cross my mind, think that they'd be compelling fodder for our discussions here, only to have them fall by the wayside when I actually have a moment to sit down and type. But, that's just life I suppose. I look forward to hearing back sooner than later!

My Busy Mind

2007-06-15T12:53:00.001-04:00

Okay Andy, I can't give you much right now. My mind is absolutely exhausted from the past couple weeks of trying to figure out where my future lies. It's a long story that you can read about on my blog. Right now i've gotta get back to cleaning the house to prepare for my family that's coming to visit tonight. We're heading to the river in the morning so i've got some packing and some food prep and shopping to do. I didn't want to leave you hanging any longer. And even though there is no substance to this post, you can't say I didn't post anything! Hee hee.

Hope you have a great weekend. I plan on refreshing my mind with lots of sun and fun this weekend so we can get back to our regular programming next week. If you have time this weekend, maybe you can add some links and some suggested reading to the blog. Maybe even a description if you're feeling froggy. :)

Continued...

2007-06-07T21:49:00.001-04:00

I thought of some other issues related to the topic at hand so I thought I'd dive back in here and share my thoughts. I'm still thinking about the Christian community's overall lack of concern in regards to issues like creation care and materialism. One thought that came to me today dealt with the polarization of issues, particularly within the past two hundred years. Prior to that time, the issues the Church was forced to deal with were fairly simple. Of course there was corruption and whatnot here and there, maybe a little more here the closer things got to the Reformation, but things took a drastic turn with the dawn of the Industrial Age.

Consider the things that happened during this time. Life became wicked busy and prosperity came as a result of these machines and their productivity. The output gave people hope of spreading the message of Christ in new and exciting ways, not unlike today with the advent and popularization of this very medium we're using for our conversation. Ultimately, all of these events gave rise to a level of knowledge and technology, fueled by a modern empirical mindset, that grew exponentially. This exponential growth resulted in a number of questions we never thought we'd have to face.

I hope a bunch of this makes sense because I think there's something in here. Prior to this time, there was no real question about the origin of man but a guy named Darwin wrote a little book that changed all of that. Issues such as abortion rose in prominence and throughout the twentieth century wars dominated the minds of Christians, causing them to ponder the idea of the Kingdom of God within a context that was rapidly changing. These issues seemed to push any idea of stewardship to the rear of their minds as other things pressed in on them. Was this right? Of course not. Is it somewhat understandable? Absolutely for we have been there as well.

Well, those are just some more rambling thoughts on that issue while they're fresh. I had another thought come to mind today that I'd like to pose to you though. What are your thoughts on the concepts of patriotism as it relates to your faith? Our store received some flags and such in today and it just spurred my mind to think a bit. I'm curious as to your thoughts on the issue...

School, Conservation, and Money

2007-06-07T08:24:00.000-04:00

Hey, let me begin by encouraging you a bit in your decision to go back to school. First off, it's a super decision. It seems as though Brett is in your corner there so there's one hurdle down. Two, I can understand that you're a bit down about leaving the boys but consider that you've had a lot more time with them than a lot of moms and dads have had. It's not a justification or whatnot but as the old adage goes, "Count your blessings." Lastly, money. Yeah, it sucks and yeah, we need it, but I think we both know and can agree that money is not your motivation here. Learners are learners and to not learn is to simply not live. This is something that you need to do and not just for some "woo-hoo" job promotion. Therefore, money becomes something thats, well, a bit expendable. Plus, in all our talks of simplicity, isn't part of the idea to free up funds to use, not to mention help? Tah-dah! And, as for choosing a school, I understand your affinity for UF but remember to again be thankful to be going. Now, I apologize for sounding like an overbearing friend and will just promise to keep you in our thoughts and prayers as you start studying to get back into, ugh, math.

As far as the Christians/materialism/waste issue goes, yes, I agree with both of you. It's sort of a cliche question but one that Christ-followers must really ask which is (everybody remember those stinking bracelets?) "What would Jesus do?" Yet, the question is paramount to the discussion. Again, I suggest that most Christians, as you clarified, don't necessarily feel it's their right to waste and whatever but that they are operating off of a "modern" mindset.

The modern paradigm seemed to compartmentalize and to systematize things which detracted from any understanding of holism or the interplay of all the parts. Therefore, Christianity, and to a degree, rightly so, became about saving souls as efficiently as possible. Things like altar calls, revivals, and the like spread across the globe. Yet, lost in the evangelistic furor was the idea of living in the Kingdom of God now. With a growing prominence of that theological system, dispensationalism, which enabled some students of prophecy to start predicting the end of the world, things grew a bit weird. We weren't worried about the material because it was all going to be burned up anyway.

Anyway, I feel like there's more I should say but I'm running late. Keep your head up regarding school! It's gonna be okay!

Details

2007-06-06T17:11:00.000-04:00

First let me say that Brett and I had a good conversation last Sunday morning about the disconnection Christians seem to have between living God's word and taking care of God's Earth. Brett brought up a good point about Jesus being more of a hippie type that accepted everyone versus being materialistic and wasteful. Kind of makes you wonder, ya know ... if Jesus showed up today ... would he drive a fancy car and have lots of stuff or would he be walking around in Birkenstocks with long hair driving an old beat up VW bus? He also wonders why said Christians seem to be the last to be aware of being wasteful. Do they feel entitled? If so, what is it that they feel entitled to? That is definitely in the eye of the beholder, so to speak. I doubt they see it as being entitled to be wasteful and to do harm to the planet and to create bigger problems for the next generation. Maybe they feel they deserve all the convenience items of today. I don't know. I do know that Brett and I are very aware of the issue and we try to conserve whenever we can. We feel guilty about the trash we do create and the excess fuel we consume but we try to do our part whenever we can. We both feel that if everyone could just be made aware then changes would happen little by little for the betterment (is that a word?) of our society and of our planet. All the little things we can do really do add up.

You bring up an interesting point about certain groups living as if the end times are near. There's a religious sect here in Lake City ... it's really a cult but they claim to be a religion ... that is planning for the end of times. I don't have the energy to go into that right now but I would encourage you to do some research into the End Timers and Meade Ministries in Lake City. I think we talked about this at Perkins that night. Not sure if you remembered to look it up or not. I have some serious issues with this cult. We'll get into that some other time.

As for school ... it's been a very emotional journey this past week. I've teetered between being super excited and gung-ho about it to saying forget about it I don't want to go. As it stands right now I have to go back to UF this fall for some post-bac work. More than I was thinking I would have to do but not as bad as it could be. I really thought it would be farther off than two months from now. I'm having serious issues with having to leave the boys. Even though it won't be that many hours each week, I really thought I would be home with them until they started school. As for Grad school ... that's still up in the air due to my undergrad GPA. I really want to go to UF but it looks like I might have to go to UNF. It's a long story that i'm too tired to explain right now but at least i'm taking steps in the right direction.

As it stands now, the mathematics graduate advisor at UF is going to let me into the program as a post-bac student so I can take the undergrad mathematics courses i'm missing so that I can get into grad school somewhere. Apparently they have such a large applicant pool to choose from that they don't ever have to make exceptions for the GPA rule. They'll do it for the GRE scores but not for GPA. (And my GPA isn't even that bad. I have a 2.7 instead of the 3.0 they require.) Wish it was the other way around because my GRE score rocked the house. UNF will allow your GRE score to stand above your GPA which is why I have a much better chance of getting in there. The grad advisor at UF that i've been talking with this week said I could probably get in there right away. I still have some post-bac work to do though and I would prefer to do that in Gainesville. It's a shorter drive and I have several friends there so hopefully can find someone to watch the boys while i'm in class a couple hours at a time three days a week. Still a lot of things to figure out but we're getting there.

I'm also in the process of talking with the community college here in Lake City about teaching there on an adjunct basis until I finish school. It would give me great teaching experience and a little bit of money which is badly needed right now. My engineering work has pretty much gone to nothing over the past couple of months which has been the catalyst to this whole going back to school situation. Nothing like being broke to make you get your butt moving, huh? :) I really wish I could stay home with the boys but we have to eat, ya know? At first, the thought of leaving them brought tears to my eyes. It's getting a little better now. I'm just trying to live in the moment and truly appreciate every last day I have with them. To look on the bright side of things, it is definitely making me appreciate every minute I have with them.

So this fall i'll have to take Advanced Calculus and Numbers & Polynomials. In the spring it will be Advanced Calculus 2 and Abstract Algebra. In the summer it will be Linear Algebra. That should leave me prepared to start grad school the very next semester which would be fall of 2008. We're thinking of buying a little Honda for me to travel back and forth to Jacksonville with once we get to that point. Then Brett could drive the Pathfinder. I wish we could buy him a newer truck. He really deserves it. He works his butt off and drives a 13 year old truck with a/c that only works when it wants to. But here we go a few more steps backwards in the money department for a while so that's not going to happen. I certainly hope things turn around after this. That is the ultimate goal with me going back to school. A job that fits my personality, which teaching at the CC level definitely would be, and a steady income that we can count on .... which is a great thing when you are trying to raise a family. We've been working backwards since we moved here in 2003 and we're both just about fed up with it. Still not sure how we're going to afford my post-bac work but i'm determined to figure it out. The thought of more student loans makes me cringe but that may just be the way it has to be.

Great things usually come out of adversity. We're survivors. We've been through a lot and we've always come out of things just fine. The next three years are going to be a bit of a challenge but we've got lots of family around that should be able to support us emotionally and with the kids if we need it. And even though i'll have to leave the boys, i'm looking forward to spending some more time in Gainesville. As we said before, going back to school at this age and point in life brings a completely different perspective. I just hope that i'm successful. This is a major personal challenge for me. Can I go back after all these years and pick up where I left off? Can I get the A's that I think I can this time around? I guess only time will tell. And until that time comes, i'll be studying my butt of going through all of my college math books. Sure glad I kept those things around. :)

So Cool..

2007-06-04T08:10:00.001-04:00

Hey, I'm so excited for you. That will be so great for you. It's funny how we get some consumed with why we "can't" that we sometimes don't take the time to look around and realize that those things that once held us up are no longer there. No matter what, though, I know you'll do great, even if it is math. Where are you going to go to school? Do you have that figured out yet? I'm just excited...

To continue with the conversation though, I'll begin by saying that I really don't know why Christians seem to be the last to come around to the side of conservation, ecology, and the like. And the materialism issue is another deal all in itself. Part of it seems to stem, and pardon me if this is a repeat of something we've discussed before, from a Left Behind sort of mentality. Just over 200 years or so ago a system of theology known as dispensationalism became popular and took root in Christian circles. This system tends to invoke that whole way of thinking that the end is near. Within this, it seems as though Christians have lost sight of a good portion of the Bible. That's one such instance that I can think of for the lack of Christian activism for these issues. Another to consider is the "prosperity gospel" teaching popularized within some Charismatic circles over the past several years. This emphasis upon health-and-wealth and finances in particular has placed an unhealthy focus upon our money as a sole blessing. On top of that, it misses the biblical teaching regarding blessings as well but that's a story for another day.

But, that's at least something. Forgive me if this is a bit disjointed, I started this morning and am just finishing now. But, I'm curious to hear your comments on the issue!

Big News!

2007-06-02T21:33:00.000-04:00

You bring up a good point, Andy, and it's one that has always confused me. Please excuse the stereotyping here as it's for illustrative purposes and I know not everyone fits this ... but why is it that the Christians of this world seem to be the least likely to be recylcers and organitarians and the like? And why do they also seem to be some of the most materialistic? This, to me, seems counter intuitive. It is one of those things that will always leave me a bit dumbfounded. I would like to continue on this subject in a later post so please, remind me if I don't. I am also interested in the book you mentioned on the subject. Very intriguing. But for now my mind is consumed with something else.

Let's get back to the search for knowledge thing. I'm with you on this one. The older I get, the more I appreciate the ability to go to school and learn something new. I guess older really does bring wiser, at least in some areas. When I think about going back to school I have this overwhelming urge to go back and do it better than I did before. Does that make any sense? Sure I graduated and got a job and all that but if I could go back there to my college days with the same focus and passion that I have found now ... oh the things I could do! If I could just get one more shot at it ... I just know I could do great things. I know my grades would be better. I know I wouldn't procrastinate as much. I know I would study more. I know I would have the focus I always wished i'd had back then. At least I think I know all these things. Or do I? Is it just because it's something that I want to do that I feel I can't? Can I really do it? Am I just looking for a new challenge? Am I just missing my college days? These are the questions i've been toying with in my mind off and on again over the last three years and I think I finally know the answers. I know what i'm supposed to do.

I've done a lot of soul searching these past couple of months. My work-from-home gig dropped off a bit and really got me in a bit of a panic mode. Thankfully the business is back but it really gave me a bit of a scare. I've always worried what we would do if the work stopped coming my way but it's been so steady for three years now that I've allowed myself to get comfortable. Possibly a little too comfortable. Well this month of no work that I went through really got me thinking. And not just about what to do now but about what I want to do when the kids are in school. You see, the firm I do contract work for is the same firm my husband works for. Talk about having all your eggs in one basket.

I feel I've reached another turning point in life. Like when I graduated college, or when I gave up my career to move to Lake City, or when I gave up teaching to be a stay-at-home mom ... true turning points that lead to a very different daily life. And here I go again. I feel the need to take my eggs out of that basket I mentioned. Brett and I have talked it over and as long as all the details work out ... I'M GOING BACK TO SCHOOL!!!! :-) And i'm super excited about it. The last time I thought seriously about this I was pregnant with Houston and there were several details that we just couldn't seem to work out. We've realized in talking about this over the past couple of days that those obstacles no longer exist. The path to grad school is finally clear. I know you think i'm crazy with the math thing but there's something to be said for following your natural talents. And as crazy as this may sound ... math seems to be my natural talent. It has followed me through every phase my life has gone through and I feel it will end in me having a job that fits me perfectly while allowing me freedom of schedule and lots of vacation time ... which means more time with my boys than a regular 8 to 5 would allow.

I still have a lot of things to think through and details to figure out so nothing is set in stone yet. I'm looking to start with the summer or fall 2008 semester so I still have a year with the boys and I plan to make the most of it. Leaving them will be the hardest part but the timing will work such that it will allow us to send them to private school, which is extremely important to me. If it all works out i'll graduate just before Houston starts kindergarten. It will be a tough two years but I know it will be worth it in the end.

I wish I had a humdinger of a question to leave you with but I don't. My mind is full of admission essays, recommendation letters, course schedules, assistanceships and the like.

Juices, Expressions, and Saving the World

2007-06-02T20:23:00.000-04:00

Okay, let's just state this first thing: I love you very much. You're probably the closest and oldest friend that I have these days. With that being said though, math!? I know you're a little cuckoo sometimes but math?! But, alas, my love does not waver and I will support you in all endeavors!

Anyway, joking aside, yeah. There is something about that whole process of learning that is just redeeming in itself. It's not necessarily that I have huge goals of increased salaries and big-time career advancement, nor do you I believe, but the challenge and fun of learning never ceases to amaze me. There was a time that this would not have been true but the older I get, perhaps I have grown a bit wiser. And that wisdom leads me to a place where I long to learn, to grow, and to study. Yet, I do wish to study that which I wish to study.

Which leads me to your stated desire to pursue something that will allow you to explore and utilize your creative juices and expressions. Right on, sister! That's my heart too. While I acknowledge the need for said finances, I also acknowledge the inherent need within myself to create and to explore. This becomes increasingly more interesting as I consider my future in avenues of ministry and religion as well for those are halls wherein creativity is not always a perceived positive. Yet, I think that somewhere in there I'll find a place that works. And, regardless of what my "job" or "career" is, I'll continue to be a part of creating things, even if it's just for creativity's sake.

Just as a quick aside, let us acknowledge that this discussion of our desire to not work for "The Man" or to pursue avenues of artistic creativity does sound a bit haughty and self-obsessed. Yet, let us also acknowledge that this is a conversation between old friends talking about life and all things in between and we hope that you can appreciate that. Now, back to our regular programming...

To finish up here for tonight, I wanted to recommend a book to you that I mentioned in my last post, Serve God Save the Planet. I finally finished this up just the other day and found it to be a compelling and powerful read. It's a sad but true statement that Christians are not always known for their keen interest in the environment, nor for their removal from the "American Dream" capital-based mentality, yet Dr. Sleeth offers up hope for those who feel led to choose a different way. In fact, Sleeth offers up a manifesto of sorts that convincingly makes a case for a faith that encompasses not only issues of the spirit, but of this world as well. It's hard to explain in but a few words but using a solid base of Scripture and personal experience drawn from his time as a highly respected ER surgeon, Sleeth makes you think. For those of us who are feeling drawn to think of our Christianity in ways that include but grow beyond previous norms, this is just what the doctor ordered. I highly recommend this...

Just a last thought...We've been in agreement too much here now that we're back. Let's try and come up with some questions to make each other think!

We're Not Lazy

2007-06-01T10:08:00.000-04:00

You're right on there Andy ... not wanting to work for the man has nothing to do with being lazy. For me, it's about being the best and doing the best. And I feel that I can do that if I have control over what it is that i'm doing. Sure, I can be good at what someone else wants me to do. And call this ADD, procrastination or whatever you want to, but I have a hard time giving my complete focus to something and putting my all into it if it's not something my heart is completely into. And since I worry myself and feel inadequate over not being the best at something, I end up feeling stressed. Silly? Probably so, but it's me. One thing i've learned about myself is that it's best to do something i'm interested in, something that I have a passion for, rather than something that just pays well. Because I will inevitably sabotage myself. I want to have control over my artistic expression and creative juices. Know what I mean? And most of all ... I want to do something that involves said expression and juices! :-)

Now about the college thing ... I would just about give my left arm to go back to college and get a masters degree in math. Math has always been my thing. I love it. (I know, I know ... i'm strange ... i get that a lot) I took graduate level partial differential equations during my last semester of college just to fill up my schedule. I could have taken some easy cheesy pass/fail class but I wanted to continue on in math. I had a math class every semester of college before that so it just didn't feel right to not have one. Then when we moved here to Lake City, I taught math at the high school. Now, I tutor precalc and calculus students. And once in a while I pull out my old calculus books and work out some problems. Just because.

If I got my masters in math I could teach full time at one of the community colleges around here. And let me just tell you ... I would absolutely LOVE to do that! A variable schedule broken up by semesters, no 8 to 5. That would leave more flexibility for school field trips and soccer practice and t-ball games. THAT would be awesome. But for now, I will stay home and take care of my kiddos. Maybe some money will fall out of the sky and we'll be able to afford for me to go back to school. One thing I have going for me is all of my great mom friends in Gainesville. I know I could find some great childcare for the kids. And I would be happy to pay a good friend with values similar to mine (crunchy mamas) so my kids could play with thier friends. And to get another degree from UF ... well that would just be awesome.

Congrats on the simplifying thing. I've been doing a bit of that around here as well. We're also hunkering down trying to pay off some debt so that we can live better. And let me tell ya, that's not an easy thing to do. Every time we turn around there's some new expense we weren't planning on. And we don't go off on big vacations or even go out to dinner. Actually, I can't remember the last time I went out to dinner. The world we live in is so consumed with debt. We are all about "stuff". We want it all and we want it now and if you decide not to live like that, as we have, then you are looked at like you're being cheap. I could go on with this topic for a while and get all fired up but i'm having a good morning so I think i'll leave this one here. I will say one more thing though, anyone looking to "live like no one else, so that later you can live like no one else" as Dave Ramsey says ... I would highly recommend his books/cds/videos etc. Check it out at www.daveramsey.com. Good stuff man, good stuff.

So yep, i'm right there with ya Andy. No wonder we've been such great friends for so long. Great minds really do think alike, huh?

About Time!

2007-05-31T21:31:00.000-04:00

Hey! It's nice to have you back. Seriously though, it really is good to re-start this conversation. It's too bad we're not able to share these over a nice long evening at Perkins or Denny's but then our faithful three readers wouldn't be able to eavesdrop either!

Anyway, all that aside, I hear you. I'm right there with you. I don't really feel like working for "The Man" anymore either. There is something incredibly freeing in being able to determine my own hours, my own schedule, and all that sort of thing. Yet, that is also something that requires a bit of working for "The Man" to get to. It's kind of weird how it works but, well, there you are. The irony is, and this is in response to those who might suggest that we are simply lazy or are not wanting to work, is that I really do like work. Even now, I'm pondering when and how I'll be able to go back to school to do my Master's work. Do I need to? No. Do I like the challenge of learning and growing? Yes. For me, this is the same thing. It simply builds off of one another.

In keeping with your previous "rambling" post, I think I'll take the same liberty this evening. My previous post some months ago dealt with a topic that is becoming more and more dear to my heart, the topic of simplicity. We as a family have actually taken this philosophy to a new level in some respects. Recently, we consolidated all of our things, giving much away to Goodwill as well as simply discarding some crazy junk that we had, and moved in with our in-laws. We did this in order to help them out financially as well as to enable us to do some fast track debt reduction and savings. It's a huge endeavor but it has been especially interesting to see how freeing just giving or throwing some junk away has been. The less stuff, the less worry. A book I've recently been reading, Serve God Save the Planet, puts it thusly: "Each time we divest ourselves of possessions, we have fewer earthly things that bind us." Very true.

I feel compelled to come up with some closing question that oozes profundity but that particular skill seems to escape me this evening. Maybe it's just best to let it suffice that our conversation is back in the swing again and we'll just propose to let thing progress organically. Good to be back!

The Search for Balance

2007-05-30T10:06:00.000-04:00

So Andy has really been giving me a hard time about dropping the ball on this blog. I've been meaning to get back to it ... I really have. I've just had a hard time with my focus lately. I seem to have a one track mind these days. Please forgive me if this turns into a mess of random ramblings. That's what my mind has been up to lately so that's probably what's going to come out. I figured since I can't decide on a single topic to continue the conversation with, I would just let my mind wander and my fingers do the talking.

Someone once asked me an interesting questions. "If you wrote a book about yourself, what would you call it?" My answer: "The Search for Balance". Yep ... that was about eight years ago and it still holds true today. In a world of extremes i'm still searching for that happy middle ground. Right now i'm trying to balance (more like juggle) all of my duties like cleaning, cooking, childcare, engineering work and the like with some of my loves like knitting, dyeing, and other crafty things. The former leaves little time for the latter but i'm trying. I'm still in a spring cleaning frenzy too. I feel that if I can just get this place cleaned up and cleared out that it would allow me more time and energy to do some of the things I want to do instead of all my time being taken up by the things I have to do. It's a constant struggle though because on the days where I spend my time clearing out a closet, the dishes and laundry pile up and I feel like i'm now behind instead of ahead by having a clutter point marked off my list. I'm still going full speed ahead though in hopes that it will all eventually balance out. I got my very own shed now too so that's helping tremendously with the clearing out thing.

I've been thinking a lot lately about what I want to do with my life when the kids start school. One thing I have decided is that I really don't want to go back to working "for the man". I want to make my own schedule. I'm not a morning person and any job requiring me to be there ready to go at eight in the morning is just not a good thing. Sure i'll do it for a while but then i'll stray and before long it will be closer to ten in the morning and then i'll feel all guilty and have this stress following me around. Another thing is that I want to do something I love. I'm reminded of a saying my hair colorist in Texas shared with me. (back when i could justify spending all that money to have someone else color the grey out of my hair) She was trying to figure out what to do with her life and was troubled that what she loved didn't pay very well. Her father told her "do what you love and the money will follow". So she did and before long she had worked her way into a fancy salon and was payed very well for what she did. (and she deserved every single penny of it, in my opinion) Sure there was a time where the money wasn't great as she worked her way up but in a few years she got a lot of recognition for being one of the best colorists around and was hired by a great salon to do just coloring ... exactly what she wanted to do.

So that's what i've been trying to focus on lately ... doing what I love. And what is that? Crafty stuff. I may not ever make any money at it but I at least have to give it a try. I've got several different projects going right now. Most of it is still in my mind due to lack of time but that's okay. A lot of great things start as ideas that grow in the mind. I'm just happy that I can make money doing some engineering work from home so I don't have to deal with the whole "starving artist" thing. :) And when the boys are a little older and can entertain themselves a little better i'll have some good ideas to work on. The engineering work actually hasn't been all that busy lately which, for me, is another stress. I'm very fortunate that it has been there for me to this point but I have always worried about something like this happening ... the work just not coming in. So that's been additional motivation for me to try and make something of my artsy side.

So there you have it ... that's what my mind has been consumed with Andy. I have always lived in a bit of a struggle between my artsy side and my technical side. A lot of people are one or the other. I am both. You would think that was a good thing but it actually has been the source of a lot of frustration for me throughout life. It seems as though I can't ever give myself fully to one and be the best at it. I go back and forth as one boils to the top and has to be expressed only to settle down again and make room for the other to then boil to the top. So now i'm working on some crafty things that actually have quite a bit of a technical side. The chemistry of dyeing and the calculation of knitting patterns, for example. I've even considered drawing schematics of some of my crafty ideas in AutoCAD but that's probably a bit much.

I don't know where all of this will lead, if anywhere at all. I'm just trying to "do what I love". Hopefully "the money will follow" and I will work myself right into a business as the kids go to school. That way I won't have to face the burning question of "what do I do now?". And i'll still be able to pick the kids up from school and help with field trips and school parties and soccer practice and all that good stuff.

Simplifying

2007-04-10T07:45:00.000-04:00

I've really appreciated your thoughts here and on your personal blog as of late regarding cleaning out and simplifying your life. It's a tough thing for all of us to part with some of those pieces of our past. Recently we were doing a little cleaning out, which we now know was just the start of things to come, and I ran across a huge plastic bin of volleyball magazines that I was holding onto. As you'll remember, volleyball was a huge part of my life, particularly through high school and after. I ate, drank, and slept the sport and did all that I could to improve. I had so much fun doing it and, somewhere along the lines, began to identify myself through it. After gettting married and having children though, volleyball was forced to take a back seat. I still had my toe in the water and would get to play here and there but with a friend's decision not long ago have pretty much lost my opportunities to really get out and play. So when Erin dropped those magazines in front of me and suggested we pitch them, it was very tough. Those simple glossy magazines represented a period of my life that I was clinging to. It sounds so melodramatic but that is what things do to us sometimes. It's not always bad that we do that but more often that not, we begin to accumulate and live in the past rather than focus on the future.

Spring Cleaning

2007-03-23T09:44:00.000-04:00

Okay, so i'm in serious spring cleaning mode right now and can't seem to ration out any brain function for anything but that topic. Have you ever realized how much emotional baggage there is tied to old stuff? Here's a question for you. What is one thing you have never been able to get rid of, even though you no longer have a use for it, and why? I'll go first ...

My dearest aunt, my Aunt Ellen, died 15 years ago from cancer. I have a sweater that I bought on a shopping trip with her about 18 years ago. I can't seem to let go of this sweater even though it's been at least 10 years since i've worn it. I feel like i'm letting go of her if I let go of the sweater. I realize I feel this way about a lot of things. Holding onto things has become a way of holding onto the past for me. This is why i've decided to do some major spring cleaning. I feel like I can no longer grow as a person until I allow myself to let go of some of the baggage from the past.

~Celena

Wishing Cont'd...

2007-03-08T21:54:00.000-05:00

I had a few more things come to mind in the past day or so regarding what we've been discussing so I thought I'd share them.

The first thought comes in terms of the questions you've asked regarding why we are the way we are, most notably in the self-centered area, and how we can move away from that. Recently, I listened to a podcast that featured a panel discussion between three key emergent theologians and practitioners, Phyllis Tickle, Pete Rollins, and Brian McLaren. McLaren was asked a question regarding the movement's emphasis upon ecology and the like and his answer was quite thought-provoking, at least to someone who's still in process. To paraphrase, McLaren essentially said that we've become so enamored with and have emphasized our doctrine of the Fall of man so much that we've neglected the doctrine of creation. This was a truly beautiful thought because it does explain so much. Why do we have a throwaway society? Because we have a society that for hundreds of years has lived with the thought that "What does it matter anyway? It's all gonna burn up!" Now, while this may or may not be true, it doesn't give us license to screw the damn place up! Just thought that was an interesting tidbit.

Secondly, I've been slowly reading this book entitled, Endangered Pleasures by Barbara Holland. The book is somewhat of a nostalgic read as Holland recounts so simple pleasures that have sort of gone the way of the Dodo due to progressive technology and information but it also highlights some points of simplicity that we, as a wickedly busy and hurried western society, have just forgotten. Naps, leisurely strolls, hanging out in bed on lazy Sunday mornings. All of these fall obsolete by our postmodern standards. We must produce to be productive. As such, we must possess in order to be happy. Yet, this book points out that some of the most precious and delicious pleasures are those that come free and create the most beautiful and lasting memories. It's an interesting read that, while not directly speaking to our issues here, seems to hint at what could be.

- andy

Wishing for Easy Answers...

2007-03-06T21:13:00.000-05:00

I wish there was an easy answer to your questions that you ask regarding our "me first generation" but if there were, I don't suspect we'd be in this predicament in the first place. Indeed, how did we get here? When did human life, creation, and so much get pushed aside and our lives seen as simply ours? I'm not entirely sure but I'll throw some ideas out that we can bat around.

First, you're right that technology has made our world a very interesting place. I think it has contributed to both our betterment and decline in several ways. One, we have the potential to be better connected within our community via the Internet, cell phones, and all varieties of wireless capabilities. The problem is, the more plugged in we are with technology, the more disconnected we seem to become from one another. I think that technology, in it's purest form, is great. Yet, we have created technologies designed to minimize our workload that has actually doubled it because now we're multi-tasking, doing two jobs at once because it's so easy. The Internet and the lure of the web has drawn us away from our family, as people find virtual conversations and interaction more appealing than the ones in their very home. "Gotta check my MySpace!" is the cry of a new generation. And who's to say, no matter which side of the pro/con conversation you come down on, how many homes have been affected by online porn. Likewise, and perhaps a bit outdated, the advent of television on demand, with it's nine bajillion channels to choose from, has also sucked us into the void. There is so much going on, so much information for us to consume, that we do nothing but that. What happened to the quiet, the simple, the sublime?

I hate to sort of repeat myself but in an earlier post I discussed the virtues of the monastic way and their emphasis upon simplicity. I think this is essentially what our generation needs but instead they find themselves doing what they've learned, consuming in a fruitless effort to be filled. You name it, drugs, sex, material goods, all these things are but pacifiers for a generation of people that are searching. Bono and U2 may have coined the phrase of a world when they sang, "I Still Haven't Found What I'm Looking For."

My thinking on the issue, at least to some degree, is that the great philosopher and thinker, Sartre, was right. We have a "God-shaped hole" within all of us. We consume in order to fill this void yet the only thing to fill it adequately and fully is God. Now, the problem with this concept, although I think it's true, is that the very people who claim to be the people of God seem to have lost sight of Him! The western Church, by and large, seems to have been taken with the consumer mindset as well, offering goods and services for the price of attendance. The Church has come to be market driven, allowing the whims of the people rather than the communion and peace of a holy God to reign over them. This is a tragedy. For as the Church has become consumed with the "mega" things, the real things, the children of God, have gone suffering. I think the world is in search of this God, the real God, who can fill that void. The problem is that the Church is, instead of modeling and mirroring that God, is hiding Him.

I'm not sure I really went where we were leaning but, oh well. At least we've got the conversation back up and running...

- andy

Generation Me

2007-02-28T11:02:00.000-05:00

We live in a very self-centered society. I think living in the age of technology where we can pay our bills, buy clothes, order groceries, even go to school over the internet without ever being in the presence of or even speaking to another individual has contributed to this self-centered society we live in. People tend to think of themselves as individuals instead of part of a whole. They don’t see themselves as part of our society and part of humankind. Instead, they just see themselves. They forget that their actions can and do affect others. They think they can create as much garbage as they want because it’s carried off every week and not their problem anymore. They think they can do anything they want with their property because they own it. They don’t think about what the consequences are for the next generation or even just the people next door. Is it because they just don’t care or is it that society has lead them to this destiny, a destiny of “me first” and “I want it now”?
A good example of this comes to mind. In my work I recently ran across a person who needed some engineers to get him out of trouble. Let’s call him Sam. Sam owns a piece of riverfront property. Sam thought since it’s his property, he can do what he wants with it without having to check with anyone else. I definitely understand his thought process, after all, it is his property. What some people seem to forget is that they only own that piece of property, not the whole river. And what Sam did was build several things that he would not have been able to get a permit for. The problem here is that next time there is a flood, it is very likely that Sam’s neighbors will have a higher water elevation on their property due to a large amount of fill that Sam brought in to fill a low spot in his property. He also poured a large amount of concrete and completely changed the bank of the river. Sam thinks he shouldn’t have to fix anything because it’s his property. When his neighbors house floods next time a hurricane brings heavy rains, maybe he’ll see things differently.
This story, along with something I recently heard on the news about our youth being more self-centered than ever, got me thinking about some things. What are the effects of this self-centered society we live in? And how did we get here in the first place? Now I love the internet just as much as anyone out there but I think it is partly, if not mostly, to blame. As I said before, you can do almost anything now without ever dealing with another human being. I don’t think we’ve fully realized the consequences of this yet. I think it is contributing greatly to “Generation Me”.

Just a side note … I have to laugh a little as I post this on a blog for you all to read over the internet without any of us ever having a real live conversation about this.

Catching Up

2007-02-16T07:42:00.000-05:00

Hey there! Forgive me for being so lax in getting back to this conversation. Life has just been coming faster than I can catch it as of late and we've gotten a hair sidetracked. But, here we go again!

Those statistics are staggering! And, to be honest, we're all complicit in bringing those about some way or another. To some degree, it's impossible to avoid just due to the society we live in and the standard of living we're typically used to. Yet, somewhere in there, we have to choose to do something different, to live our lives in a way that values more than the easy and instant gratification that our throw-away society offers.

I think the key here (and watch how subtly I bring the conversation back to a slightly religious nature!) is one of stewardship. The idea of being a good steward of what's been given to us is an age-old one and finds some pretty solid roots in the Bible. We are to utilize our resources, for sure, but on the same hand are to care for and preserve them as well. They are gifts and are to be respected and cherished.

We also must realize that these gifts that have been entrusted to us are not solely there for our benefit and use. Again, yes, we are to enjoy them, but even more so, we are to share them with others. And sharing them with others, particularly in this realm that we're discussing of ecological conservation, although it definately transcends more than just that, implies not only our current generation but our kid's generation and our grandchildren's generation and so on. We are blessed in order that we might be blessed. This is thinking that finds roots as far back as the biblical patriarch, Abraham. If only we'd learn how to live it out.

A Disposable Society

2007-02-02T01:09:00.000-05:00

Wow, great post Andy. My mind is swarming with things to touch on. It's late and it's been a rough week so I apologize in advance if I start to ramble on. These things happen. First of all let me say that I am very happy to hear of your decrease in paper plate usage. My wanna-be-hippie-tree-hugging-self hopes that those were at least truly paper plates and not the plastic or styrofoam plates that will still be sitting in the land fill when your children's children start having children. You have definitely touched on something there. We live in a society where many people "want it and want it now". We want to grab take out and then throw away the containers instead of cooking things ourselves and washing dishes. I think this came from the fast pace of our society, not laziness, but perhaps is turning to the later. It has become, for some reason unkown to me, a disposable society that we live in. I know there are other poeple out there like me (thankfully) that see all the waste we produce without blinking an eye and do their part to reduce it. However, way too many people use disposable everything and seem to think that once it's in the garbage it is gone. This really gets my goat (whatever that means). This is our planet, our dear Mother Earth, and we are trashing it. I really wish people would be more mindful about what they use and throw away. It is mind-numbing to me the things you can buy that are "disposable". Plates, cups, utensils, baking pans, cutting boards, tupperware, baby bottles, diapers, bibs, wash cloths, litter boxes, razors, cameras, .... Anything can be disposable really ... all you have to do is put it in the trash and it has been disposed of right? Wrong! It's still here, it's just not in your house anymore. And what about all of the packaging that our non-disposable items come in? It's ridiculous!

Okay, off that soap box for now, I like what you said about altering your thoughts as well as your methods. Ever since I posted the link to the compact article on my blog i've had people asking me how i'm doing with it. I find it interesting to note how many readers have mentioned how their own thought process has been affected by reading that article. Even though most people did not set out to follow the compact, reading that article has made them more aware of everything they put in their buggy when they go to the store. What a great way to have an impact on the world. It may be small but if ten people become more mindful consumers because of something I have shared then i've done a little bit to make the world a better place.

I think the song lyrics you posted really say a lot about our society. We want it all and we want it now. We live in the time of instant gratification. We don't want to work hard and save our money to buy something we want. We want something so we buy it on credit and assume yet another monthly payment that we will be strapped to for years to come. I'm reminded here of something Dave Ramsey (www.daveramsey.com) says in one of his videos. He says we want what our parents have but don't take into consideration the fact that it took them 30 years to get it. We want it and we want it now so we borrow, and borrow, and borrow some more. We, as a society, are drowning in debt. We don't care that we will be paying for something long after that something is gone, or that we will end up paying twice as much for it ... we want it now. You asked why and I wish I had a good answer for you. I think a lot of it has to do with the materialistic society we live in. We are judged by many on how big our house is, what kind of car we drive, what brand of shoes we wear, etc. It really is a sad thing. I could go on and on here but it's late and I need some sleep. I'll leave you with some statistics to ponder ...

-Over 20 billion disposable diapers are sent to landfills each year. This is enough diapers to cover a football field 3 miles deep.
-Single-use diapers represent the 3rd largest consumer item (after newspapers and beverage and food containers) in the municipal solid waste stream. These diapers will require over 500 years to decompose.
-A good eye-opening article on diapers: http://www.dy-dee.com/html/Disposable_Myth/disposable_myth.html
-Americans represent only 5 percent of the world's population, but produce over 50 percent of the world's trash.
-Packaging accounts for 10-15 percent (sometimes more than 50 percent) of the cost of a product and 50 percent of all consumer waste.
-The energy saved by recycling one aluminum can is enough to keep a 100-watt light bulb burning about 3 1/2 hours.
-For every ton of crushed glass recycled, 1.2 tons of raw materials are saved.
-Each ton of paper recycled saves 17 trees.
-A baby may use 10,000 diapers in the first three years of life. Disposable diapers take up as much as 2 percent of our landfills.

Decomposition Times:
-Aluminum cans - 100 to 500 years
-Banana peel - up to 6 months
-Cigarette filters - 15 years
-Diapers - 100 years to never
-Glass - never
-Plastic - 50 to 70 years
-Rubber - never
-Styrofoam cup - 10 to 20 years
-Tin or steel cans - 100 years
-Wax paper cup - 5 years
-Wooden stakes - 4 years

~Celena

Consumerism Mulled Over

2007-01-23T21:35:00.000-05:00

It's nice to actually have a chance to sit down and dialogue about this! And ironically, despite your insistence that this is a departure from our "religious" discussion, I'm compelled to argue that it fits right in. How we manage the resources at our disposal is a direct result of what we believe and of our overall worldview. It's a good question to be asking.

That all being said, let me say that the idea of a compact like that is wicked challenging. When you stop to think about all of the stuff that you actually go out and buy and consume, it's mind numbing. Just this week I've been making a conscious effort to use regular plates as opposed to paper ones (which I realize is a goofy sort of thing but with two kids and two adults who abhor anything that remotely resembles dishwashing, it seems logical!) and that has been eye-opening just in terms of waste. Actually, I think food is one of the easiest areas to both fail and to begin making such a change. How many times have we had dinner, thrown the leftovers into some Tupperware and into the fridge, only to revisit them months later, only now they resemble your Uncle Reggie with his green tinted hair? Its the easiest place to waste yet it's also the easiest to fix. We've been making a conscious effort to eat as much of our leftovers as we can, converting them into new meals and such. For instance, Saturday evening we had some friends over and had barbecued ribs, baked beans, corn, and some other stuff. The beans and ribs were the majority of the leftovers. Well, we had some more of those Sunday evening, took a break, and tonight converted a good portion of the leftover ribs into a simple stir-fry. It was delicious, curbed the waste, and saved us money. That's good on all fronts!

I think the issue here is not only in how we alter our methods but also how we think about these things. Why are we consumed with a desire to consume? What is it about us that makes us desire, even lust after that new book, car, whatever? Do we blame the media? Do we blame ourselves? And once we've discovered the antagonist, how do we then rid ourselves of it? And what is a healthy balance of consumption and prohibition? What does moderation really look like?

Ever since I've been writing music reviews recently, I've tended to think of things more and more in song. Here are the lyrics to a great song written and recorded by alt-country singer, Rodney Crowell. I'll leave you with that and look forward to your thoughts.

The Obscenity Prayer (Give it to Me)

Give to me my time and money Give to me my milk and honey
Give to me my self respect Golden chains around my neck
Give to me my super model corporate jet and champagne bottle
Get me out there on the town Let me spread my wealth around
I could learn to love this life I lead
Just don’t take away the things I need
I feel rosey in the pink Just don’t make me stop and think
All those dark thoughts in my head seem like better left unsaid
Give it to me Give it to me

Give to me my latest fashion Make my lover burn with passion
Give to me my charm and wit Keep my body young and fit
Give to me my haute couture Give the world a cancer cure
Serve my breakfast au frescoe Let the wine and liquor flow
I can search for truth some other time
Right now I just want to get whats mine
Let the gangsters rule the street
Let teachers try to make ends meet
I despise all bleeding hearts I don’t patronize the arts
Give it to me Give it to me

Give to me my Aspen winter Sorry bout the world trade center
I can’t help the one’s in need I’ve got my own mouth to feed
Give to me my playboy channel Killer weed and sheets of flannel
Lay me down upon my bed With pleasant dreams to fill my head
I don’t care what this world is coming to
And there ain’t one damn thing that I can do
I don’t have a leg to stand on I don’t have a net to land on
I don’t have a base of power I don’t have the extra hour
Give it to me Give it to me

Give to me my tax cut outsource
Build me my own private golf course
The Dixie Chicks can kiss my ass
But I still need that backstage pass

Give to me my Nasdaq numbers
Intel shares and E-trade blunders
Soldiers to defend my freedom
A script for valium if I need em’

Ouch. For more ouch and musical pondering on the emptiness of consumerism and material wealth, check out Johnny Cash's haunting video for the song, "Hurt".

- andy

Mindful Consumerism

2007-01-19T08:47:00.000-05:00

I have some reading to catch up on before I delve further into our religious conversation. My time for such things has been limited as of late. We are having a wedding reception in our backyard next weekend and we are working on a new financial plan. Between these things and work and kids, I haven't had much extra time. In the meantime, I would like to get your thoughts, Andy, on my previous post about mindful consumerism. I'm trying to stick to the "not buying anything new" idea except for certain essentials. I'm finding several unexpected benefits as time goes on and the best of all is a change in mindset about all the "stuff" in our life. Not only am I more aware of each item I look at or pick up in the store, but also about the things in our house. I find myself on the verge of going through another major de-cluttering.

~Celena

Happy New Year!

2007-01-12T09:58:00.000-05:00

Please stay tuned ... more of our regular programming is coming your way soon. The holidays are over and i'm working on getting back into the swing of things. Somehow January has turned out to be just as busy as December for my family. Here's something from my family blog that I wanted to share with you all ...

I just ran across something on the internet that really caught my attention. A group of friends in San Francisco made a pact to not buy anything new for a whole year. They made exceptions for food and toiletries and a few other things. Their idea managed to get some national attention recently.

Check out the yahoo article here: http://news.yahoo.com/s/ap/20070103/ap_on_re_us/shopping_sabbatical

And here is a link to the related blog: http://sfcompact.blogspot.com/

Oh, and did I mention that the Gators won the national championship??? GOOOOOOOO GATORS!!!!!!!!!! :-)

~Celena

Okay...Time for More

2006-12-12T07:20:00.000-05:00

Okay, thus far in rereading some of my most recent posts I realize that, well, I haven't really said much in regards to my response to yours in regards to either the "emerging church" or the pursuit of truth. So, in five minutes or less, here's a crash course!

Let's discuss the "emerging church" deal first. The emerging church movement is credited with beginning in the mid to late 90's as a response to the failures of our parent's fundamentalism as well as a reaction to the postmodern philosophy which began to really take a solid hold over modernism. Essentially, people saw the holes in the picture and started to rethink things, considering that there must be other ways to do things. Our good friends at Wikipedia have a really great breakdown on the movement here: Emerging churches.
I suggest you check that out and see if you have any questions from there.

As you'll see from the reading there, the movement is not without its share of critics as well as adherents. Much of the criticism does come from the open minded approach to the spiritual life and how we interpret it and so forth. This sounds very much like what you're encountering there in Lake City. With all due respect, you're not alone. I found myself at my non-denominational Bible college last year, asking questions that were a dash controversial, and having my salvation questioned. These were good people but to expand and rethink some things that, for them, just were, was not a worthwhile exercise. There is security in knowing, or at least thinking we know. Yet, if we are to truly know, I wonder if maybe we have to admit that, to some degree, we could be wrong. We need to have the courage to engage other viewpoints and to glean from the wisdom they offer.

There's a little something on the emerging church. Next post I'll address your discussion of truth, science, and God. Let's keep the discussion going!

- andy

Regular Programming cont'd...

2006-12-07T07:22:00.000-05:00

Okay, let me see if I can pick up where my thoughts were going here. This time it's pretty early so, once again, I'll not be responsible for the lucidity of my thoughts!

Thus far we've discussed a bit of the schism that has come as a result of the Reformation and the prevailing philosophical and theological thought of the time. Now, let us say, there were very positive things that came via the Reformation as well. The whole uprising, if we may call it that, pointed out a bevy of corruption within the Church and helped to bring change, good change, in many ways. Yet, somewhere along the way we lost sight of a few things.

Fast forward to now where I'll drop my pseudo-history lesson and delve more into some personal opinions and thoughts. In my opinion, Christianity as a religion, and many that would term themselves "Christian", have become arrogant within their system of belief. As we've discussed the idea of "attachment" before, we now see a dire attachment to a theological or doctrinal system. They cling to this system of belief and utilize it in effort to deal with what this world throws at them. The issue comes when the paradox hits, when the black and white merge to form gray. This is the point at which a decision must be made. Do I forage forth now with holes in the proverbial boat or do I have the courage of my convictions to open my hand and to hold even my worldview, my theology, with an uplifted palm to God, admitting that the mind of God is simply greater than the mind of man?

There's more to come but I wanted to keep the conversation going. I hope you are following my train of thought. This feels like it's a serious "stream of conciousness"-type of writing but hopefully, as I prayed before, this is making sense. Just hang in there with me. So, am I making sense thus far? Any comments?

- andy

Anxiously Awaiting

2006-12-06T15:45:00.000-05:00

You made perfect sense Andy and i'm anxiously waiting to hear more.

~Celena

Back to Our Regular Programming

2006-12-05T23:19:00.000-05:00

I'm sorry for the delay in responding. Much like your week last week, ours has been crazy here. But, alas, we are back at it again. Due to the hour and the need to treat this topic with care, my post may be incomplete but stay tuned for future episodes which may or may not explain more!

Anyway, on with the show. You asked about the "emerging church" and we will get to that but in somewhat of a roundabout way. Again, I ask you to consider the hour. We can only pray that lucid thoughts will come. Let us begin with your musings upon holistic living, integrating the practice of yoga in particular, and the antagonistic response you received by your Baptist neighbors.

Protestant Christianity has done much to run from it's roots in the ancient church and Catholicism in particular. Ever since the Reformation when Martin Luther nailed his 95 Theses to the door in Wittenburg, a great rift has separated the Catholic church from the Protestant. In recent years, particularly after the changes made at Vatican II, the Catholic Church has become far more accepting of their Protestant brothers and sisters, regarding them as true members of the Church and subsequently of the family of God. The Protestant side of the deal hasn't been as welcoming, however. Much superstition and lore surrounds the practices of the Catholic Church. Foreign terms, new imagery, and theoretically divergent theological leanings separate the two. The problem here is that these suppostions are based in ignorance.

This ignorance is not unlike what you're experiencing in good old Lake City. These people are afraid of what they don't know. A human's natural tendency is to be exclusionary. We like the idea that we're in, we know how to get it, and are therefore the gatekeepers. We don't like the idea that it's more complex than that. In all honesty, much of Protestant Christianity is built upon some ground that has become far removed from what it was intended to be.

Okay, I really want to keep going with this but, well, I'm falling asleep and have to be up early tomorrow morning. I'm honestly not sure if this even makes sense thus far but I wanted to keep the conversation going. Tomorrow I'll post some more and clue you in a bit more about the entity known as the "emerging church".

- andy

The mind is an amazing thing ...

2006-12-01T00:50:00.000-05:00

A few posts ago you mentioned the "emerging church"...

[Andy Wrote] The practitioners within this movement, sensing some of the same disconnect we have experienced, have sought to renew the move of faith and worship in that holistic sense, even within the gathering together. Many have mined the ancient practices of the early church in order to renew these things. Pulling together a number of elements that focus on multiple senses and experiences, worship and gathering together can become an interactive, integrated time instead of a lecture.

You told me to let you know if I wanted to hear more. Well you have peaked my curiosity so please, do tell more. Now this may seem completely random but I would like to share a story with you. It may seem unrelated at first but it actually has a lot to do with the topics at hand. (note: names have been changed to protect the innocent, guilty and all involved) The topics of "My Religious Journey", "Truth" and "My Perfect Church".

I found myself, due to tragic circumstances, living here in Lake City a few years back. Having given up my career as an aerospace engineer to follow my husband here, I found myself in an interesting place in life. What was I going to do with myself? My whole life all I ever wanted to be was an aerospace engineer (and then an astronaut if the opportunity ever arose). There's not much of a market for that job here in LC. So I had to look deep inside and ask myself, who am I outside of that label? What else am I passionate enough about to take on as a career? (i'll try to shorten this up a bit otherwise it could turn into a novel) Long story short, I love yoga. Ever since I took my very first yoga class back in 1998 I have been in love with it. (there are so many reasons I would like to share here but alas, we are not discussing yoga) So I went to a weekend-long teacher training workshop. Part of my yoga teacher training required me to teach 8 hours of yoga for free in the community. I thought "what a great idea". A few weeks later I was introduced to Marsha who runs a facility in the area. Marsha expressed interest in me teaching a class for her until I told her what I wanted to teach was .... drum roll please .... y-o-g-a. She politely told me that there would be no yoga at her gym "because of the whole eastern way of thought". I was honestly speechless. Well I ended up teaching math and science at the high school here in LC (yes, i said the high school). I asked around in the teachers lounge one morning about how I could go about setting up free yoga classes either before or after school to get the hours I needed. Well let's just say that idea got shot down very quickly. I was told that I may be able to get away with it if I didn't use the "y word" ... I couldn't call it "yoga". This was also the same teachers lounge where I found myself in the middle of about six women talking bad about the Catholic church and discovered just how negatively Baptists feel about the Catholic church. The funny part was when I announced to the group that I "grew up Catholic" and got up and walked out. I was also later told that Marsha is "just very religious". (and they actually thought they were explaining things!) Something else to note, this high school had "motivational" religion-based assemblies. Now i'm not saying this is a bad thing, i'm just saying I was very surprised to find that allowed in a public high school in a day and time where parents fight to keep the word "God" out of the Pledge of Allegience. And I wasn't allowed to teach yoga.

Yoga is/can be a very spiritual practice to help you get in tune with your body and mind. Our body is the temple God gave us and I think we should take great care of it. Yoga is one way in which I try to do this. Yoga is not a religion and does not conflict with any main-stream religion that I know of. (are there any religions that tell you not to take care of your body and mind?) Is this making any sense yet? Your words on the holistic expression of faith and your "emerging church" along with your request for me to share my religious journey brought up these thoughts and memories.

Now on "My Truth" ... The bottom line for me is that God is why we are here. (Sometimes I feel like maybe we are all just one big science experiment in a fish bowl.) In explaining the "hows" and "whys" I believe there is both a scientific and a faith based explanation for everything and that instead of contradicting each other they actually go hand-in-hand. Some people need to have blind faith while others, like myself, want some sort of scientific evidence. Not to contradict Jesus or religion but to give us something to wrap our scientific mind around because that is how we think. Because that is how God wants us to think. Questions and discussions lead to an opening of the mind, a broadening of the horizons. I don't think God wants to keep us dumb. I think he wants to see how much we can figure out. He wants us to evolve. I think we need to open our minds a great deal more to be able to fully grasp the concept of "being". We are so small yet so significant in the grand scheme of things. And we only use what percent of our brain? (i can't remember but i know it's a small number) Maybe one day we will unlock the true power God has given us and be able to wrap our heads around this amazing thing he has created. Maybe he knows we just aren't ready for that yet. And as a side note on the topic of evolution, I truly think evolution and creationism go hand-in-hand, just different ways of looking at it.

Well this has gotten pretty heavy and it is very late. My brain needs to rest. I'm looking forward to hearing more on the "emerging church". I will share my religious journey soon, in two parts. The first being my history of church attendance and the second being my personal spiritual journey. What about yours?

~Celena

Me

2006-11-27T12:02:00.000-05:00

I just sat here and typed up a really long post and blogger ate it. That's right ... it's gone. I don't know whether to cry or just walk away. I think i'll try to retype the main points for now...

My mind is too full of other things at present to continue with the posts below. I had a crazy week. It was happy, sad, dissapointing, fun, reflective, argumentative, frustrating, busy, and many other things as well. As my mind absorbs and heals from the craziness I find myself reflecting and wanting to make some changes. Bottom line: I'm done. I'm done doing too much. I'm done doing everything I can do because I think I should. I sat yesterday and did almost nothing but enjoy time with my sons and my husband. We watched movies and football, ate leftovers, put up the Christmas tree, played with the kids, and I even knitted for a while. It was great.

The comment Rachel left about "could do's" vs. "should do's" really had an impact on me. I've realized over the past week how many things I put on myself that just aren't necessary. I have to come to terms with the fact that it's okay to say "i'm a mom" instead of "i'm a mom-aerospace-engineer-fabric-artist-business-owner-craft-fair-boother-math-tutor". It's okay to just be me, Celena. I don't have to do it all just because I can. It's okay to slow down and smell the roses, so to speak. And I don't have to try so hard to be friends with people just because our lives have brought us together. I don't have to hide who I am so that more people like me. I'm done with all of that, at least for a while. I'm going to enjoy the "present". I'm going to enjoy my time with my children and husband. And next year, instead of having a craft booth two days after Thanksgiving, i'm going to be out with the crowds shopping and drinking coffee and putting up our Christmas tree like everybody else.

I'll get back to the subject of Truth soon. I find it an ironic one, being that I find it is different for everyone. I don't believe there is one single truth and that, to me, is Truth. And as you requested Andy, I will share my religious journey with you. As I sat and reflected on this a bit before my week of craziness I realized something quite profound about myself. Why is it that I have more negative memories about the past than positive ones? Is it my nature? Is it the circumstances of my childhood? How can I change this? My new challenge: To make the positive/happy/fun times of my life have a stronger impact on my memory than the negative/sad/depressing/stressful times. Because all we really have is the present and our memories. And I'm going to spend more time enjoying my husband, my children and my friends because you never know when God is going to take those people away from you.

To all of my friends ... I hope you find the time to enjoy these things yourselves. I know i've read emails from at least four of you over the past week that started with an apology about how life is so busy and it's hard to find the time, etc. I know i've been guilty of this as well. I hope this holiday season and new year bring with it a sense of peace for everyone and the ability to slow down enough to enjoy life. The little things in life are too precious to let slip away. Go have a cup of coffee with a friend, sit on the floor and play with your child, call that special friend you haven't talked to in a long time, lay on the couch with your spouse and just be.

~Celena

Tossing Quotes Into the Ring

2006-11-22T07:33:00.000-05:00

Thought I'd share this quote with you which I think is very appropriate, especially given the nature of our conversation. Hope you like it.

"A very popular error: having the courage of one's convictions; rather it is a matter of having the courage for an attack on one's convictions." - Friedrich Nietzche

- andy

A Bonus Question

2006-11-21T23:00:00.000-05:00

Hey, while we continue this discussion of faith and theology and science and whatever else might pop up here, I wonder, and I do think it's somewhat appropriate, if you'd offer us a look at your faith journey. I'd like to hear where you've come from and where you're really at. I realize that some of our discussion has already held some of that but I've found through some practices of my own that going back and really retracing the steps of where we've come truly does help us to see the present a bit more clearly. And I know that I know some of it, actually a lot of it since we've known each other forever, but I'd like to hear it in your own words. If you'd like, I'll share mine too. You show me yours and I'll show you mine! :)

- andy

Church Continued

2006-11-21T22:30:00.000-05:00

Your journey and your thoughts on this matter of church and faith and God all lead me to think that this could be a very interesting discussion! I empathize with your being in a place whereby people categorize you by what church you attend as opposed to who you are. Church attendence can be a very good thing and, in some times, can be very bad. But that's another story for another time. We're talking about two things really, the "perfect church", and to some degree, what that church holds to.

Let me comment first on your thoughts regarding the "perfect church". I totally resonate with you on the areas of not judging one another and of a holistic approach to spirituality and faith. Church, as I understand it, is to be a safe place that we can come, really be ourselves, worship, and heal. Far too often we go into a church setting with preconceived notions of how to act and of what people will say. Those preconceptions lead us to play our cards very close to our vest and we refuse to admit that we're the ones with a problem. If someone asks how we are doing, we will reply with our best Sunday smile, "Just fine, thanks!". Nevermind the fact that we just got done arguing and fighting with our significant other the whole way there and are wondering if the relationship even has a chance. And Lord, heaven forbid you struggle with something of the sexual nature! These things just aren't spoken of! Now, I will admit that there are exceptions to these rules. In some ways, this is a parody and an overstatement. But, the best of parodies ring of truth.

The holistic expression of faith is one that I'm coming more and more to embrace. Far too long Christianity in particular has focused solely on the mental aspects of the faith journey. It has taught that we are to cram more and more knowledge into our heads and that this will make us better people. In some respects, this is true as anyone who has seen one of those NBC "The More You Know" spots will tell you. But, there is more to a person than the mental state. We must focus on mind, body and spirit. The three, much as the biblical understanding of God is seen in Father, Son, and Holy Spirit, are unmistakably connected. I'm very encouraged by some movements within what is known in some circles as the "emerging church" toward this. The practitioners within this movement, sensing some of the same disconnect we have experienced, have sought to renew the move of faith and worship in that holistic sense, even within the gathering together. Many have mined the ancient practices of the early church in order to renew these things. Pulling together a number of elements that focus on multiple senses and experiences, worship and gathering together can become an interactive, integrated time instead of a lecture. (I could go on some more here but I'm not sure if I need to. If you're interested in hearing more, holler!)

Now we come to the second part of the discussion which involves some of your thoughts on the nature of God and what we believe which are intrinisically connected to your "perfect church". I totally understand your point regarding being a scientist. You are rational, logical, and have always been good at the math! :) That being said, I fully appreciate your rejection of blind faith. I also agree that science and religion are very like minded things. Both, at their very essence, are a pursuit of truth. They seek to answer the big questions of "How?" and "Why?" in order to provide us with knowledge and some sense of purpose.

I guess where I'm going with this is to ask the oh-so-profound question that Pilate asked of Christ, "What is truth?" This is a critical question in this discussion. If we are all right, then, in some ways, there is no truth. Truth has now become a relative commodity. We now become pragmatists living out our lives with simply the thought that whatever works for us is what we'll believe. Now, there is a lot more to this discussion for us to throw around. This is the time I wish this were a telephone conversation that folks could listen in on or a face to face because I think we'll be here a while.

I guess for now I'll leave you with that question: "What is truth?" What is true for you? Do you believe that there is a standard for truth? Let's build from there!

Enjoying the chats!

- andy

More Quotes

2006-11-20T11:46:00.000-05:00

I finally found the exact quote I was refering to back in my first post on friendship. Here it is:

"Some people come into our lives and quickly go. Some stay for awhile and leavefootprints on our hearts. And we are never, ever the same."
- Author Unknown

I like these too:

"A friend is a person with whom I may be sincere. Before him I may think aloud."
- Ralph Waldo Emerson

"Many people will walk in and out of your life, but only true friends will leave footprints in your heart."

~Eleanor Roosevelt

Friends
A friend is someone we turn to when our spirits need a lift, A friends is someone we treasure for our friendship is a gift. A friend is someone who fills our lives with beauty, joy, and grace And makes the whole world we live in a better and happier place.

-Jean Kyler McManus

~Celena

My Perfect Church

2006-11-20T09:48:00.000-05:00

I know that was a heavy question out of the blue but that's how my mind works. One thought leads to another which leads to another and BAMM! There's a big question for you. :-) I was thinking about what you said in an earlier post how one of the first questions people ask you when you meet is "what do you do?". I jokingly thought to myself how here in Lake City it is usually closely followed by, if not preceeded by, "what church do you go to?". I've never lived anywhere like this before. I'm sure there are plenty of other communities closely bound together by their churches but this is the first one i've lived in. People don't ask "if" you go, they just assume you go.

I've had the great opportunity to live in five different towns in this great country of ours. I wish I could say that number was ten or even fifteen. I love the thrill of moving somewhere brand new and figuring it all out. Each community is so unique. But before I start reminiscing about my days in a town that was actually awake at night and had more malls than I could shop at in a day, let me get back to this church thing ...

Since i've lived in Lake City i've had my thoughts on church tested by many people. I've been invited to go to church more times in the past three years than in the other twenty-seven years of my life combined. Brett and I talk about it and we do want to "belong" to a church eventually. But we want it to be the church that is right for us and that we are comfortable with. I know some people think i'm being too picky or may even think the devil is invading my thoughts but here's the thing: I'm not going to force myself to go to a church that doesn't align with my thinking just so that I can answer the question of "what church do you go to?".

I've met some wonderful people with great views on God and Christianity. I've had some great talks. I've also met people with very different views from my own who think it is their mission to get me to church. And I know that they do it because they care and because they think and are taught that I am going to go to hell because i'm not active in church. And I appreciate the fact that they care enough about me to reach out like that, I really do.

I've been given books on Christianity by at least three people (off the top of my head) and I have actually read most of them. And I enjoy reading them. I am and always have been very interested in learning about different religions. I think it is fascinating that we live in a world with so many different religions and people that feel so strongly about their religion that they are willing to die for it. And here is where my question arose ...

As I sat watching Joel Osteen on TV one morning I found myself wishing that a church existed here in Lake City that I felt comfortable with. One that I could find like-minded people in. I tend to be very scientific minded (engineer .. go figure). Some people have blind faith because that's what works for them. I'm a thinker and always have been. I can't just have blind faith. I have to question. That's part of who I am. So I got to thinking ... how would I define my perfect church, in a perfect world?

A couple of weeks later a friend of mine called that grew up here in Lake City. She now lives a couple hours south of here. She was telling me about this great church that she and her husband have been going to for about a year now. It sounded great. It sounded like something that I would really like to go to. I told her that sounds very close to what I would like to find in Lake City. And she laughed ... because she knows more than I, having grown up here, that for some reason that type of church does not exist here. I wonder what it is about Lake City that makes it this way. Is it the small town thing? Is it that LC is full of people who have never lived anywhere else in their life? I'm not sure.

So once again I found myself dreaming of a perfect world where we could all have "our own" perfect church. One where we all accept each other and are all open-minded. One where it doesn't matter how or what you believe God to be ... just that you believe. You see I believe, and let me comment here that I know some of you will think negatively of this but i'm going to share anyway and hope I don't offend anyone too badly, that everyone has it right. How can one little section of Christianity have it right and everyone else is wrong and going to hell? Who has it right? The Baptists? Catholics? End-timers (sorry had to throw that in there, don't let me get started on that whole thing)? What about Hinduism and Judaism?

That's just it ... I think everyone that believes there is a higher power is right. Because there is a higher power. We understand it in the way that we can. And we are all different. And here is where my scientific background comes in ... just think about our planet, and our solar system, and our universe. How can we ever get a firm grip in our minds as to how that all works and how it came to be. The fact is that it is all above us. We, as scientists, attempt to explain and understand the workings of the universe. And as a species we are very impressive. We sent men to the moon (no it wasn't a tv set), we have people living in space, we've sent spacecraft to take pictures of other planets, etc. But how did it all get here? In my mind, science and religion are very closely related. With all that is out there, is the planet Earth the only place where life exists? I find that hard to believe. And to some people that makes them think i'm going to hell. To borrow a phrase here .... "why can't we all just get along?".

My mind is racing with several follow-up thoughts involving the most popular book around ... The Bible. But my kids are calling so I must leave that for a later post. Andy, you asked me to answer the question as well and here is what I have so far ...

My perfect church would be:
... a place where everyone is accepted no matter how they believe, just as long as they believe ...
...a place where people can openly discuss their different beliefs and find enough common ground to see that we may all be right ...
... a place where don't judge each other because that should only be done by our maker ...
... a place that balances the physical with the spiritual (which is why I like Joel Osteen)...
... a place that integrates yoga with its service, maybe a short series of breathing exercises at the beginning to open the mind and a relaxation practice at the end to let everything sink in (just thought about this and added this last one a couple of hours after posting this) ...

Until next time...
~Celena

***Sarah, as my most Christian/religious/spiritual non-church-going friend, if you read this I would love to hear your answer to our question. Please leave it as a comment to this post.***

Perfect Church?

2006-11-19T21:30:00.000-05:00

Let me first comment on your previous post before diving into answering this oh-so-heavy question.

I like the term "time famine". It's a good one although I don't necessarily think we're really in a famine. Famine implies that we truly don't have the time. I'm not sure that's the case. More often than not, much as Rachel replied, it's more a matter of our consciously choosing to set aside those "shoulds". The ironic thing is that our "shoulds" are almost always the results of outside thinking. I should be at this career point. I should keep the house clean in case X stops by. I should do this and that because if I don't do it, it won't get done. We place too much emphasis upon externals and neglect the things that really matter, our family, our faith. Learning to let go of those attachments is so difficult, I think, simply because we have bought into the lie of being defined by them. I am "insert career position" instead of allowing, in my case, my identity to be found in my faith in God and in who I am in Him. Just a few thoughts there.

Okay, on to the church question. Didn't think we'd dive into the theological realm so soon but, well, here we are. This is a huge question that has loomed large in my mind for the past two and a half years since I left my youth ministry position. Perhaps I can share that story later if anyone is interested in background information because that experience definately colors this response. Anyway, it's a great question. Without diving in and offering Scripture references and whatnot for each and every point, let me offer some thoughts.

I would like a church that:

Valued people more than programs

Admitted that it has doubts and fears

Encouraged healing and restoration over judgment

Was honest about all sin, not just "pet" sins

Embraced a holistic understanding of faith, embracing mind, body, and soul

Encouraged and embraced the arts, seeing the hand of God in the works of His creation

Loves God and loves people

These ideas seem simple, a bit cliche, and maybe even a hair trite but the honest truth is that I'd be thrilled to find a church that truly lived out these ideas. In fairness, many congregations honestly do pursue these things and find themselves hamstrung by the very imperfect people you spoke of. It's true. Where there are people, there is no perfect church. Yet, we must strive to create a community of people who truly do seek to embody the teaching and the life of Jesus, who seemingly looks a lot different than what we know of Christianity.

What about you? Your faith journey definately has been different than mine. I'm very interested to hear your thoughts on this!

- Andy

A Question for You ...

2006-11-18T10:50:00.000-05:00

Andy, how would you describe your perfect church? Put aside the fact that we don't live in a perfect world and that churches are run by people who, by nature, are not perfect.

Anxiously awaiting,
~Celena

A Time Famine

2006-11-17T10:55:00.000-05:00

Wow, great post Andy. I love the words to that song. It's funny you mentioned the "trying to do too much thing". In our usual fashion, you and I were on the same wave length last night .... scary, I know. I found myself with some free time, which doesn't happen very often. My student called to cancel our tutoring session and I found myself here with both boys asleep (another rare occurance) and no engineering jobs to do. Oh what to do with my time? I have a difficult time sticking with one thing at a time anyway and rarely ever have time to just pick what I "want" to do instead of which thing I "have" to do that is most pressing. So after about 30 minutes of running circles around myself reorganizing this and cleaning that I decided to sit and do one of the things I love the most ... knitting. But could I stay on one project? Of course not. I sat and read a knitting book for a few minutes then I started knitting Brody's Christmas stocking and then I worked on his sweater for a few minutes and then I worked on my sock for a few minutes and then I just had to stop myself. What in the world was I doing? Has my life gotten so busy that I can't handle two hours of peace and quiet doing something leisurely? Apparently so. I sat there thinking about how busy life gets and how we are living in the time of "doing too much". I sat there thinking how nice it would have been if I had lived two hundred years ago and all my worries would be watching the children while I cook stew over the fire and knit socks for the family. Oh how peaceful those times must have been. I'm sure they had their worries but life definitely ran at a slower pace.
After a little day-dreaming I picked up one of my favorite books that I turn to when I can't slow down. It's called "Everyday Serenity: Meditations for People Who Do Too Much" by David Kundtz. Each page has a quote and then a short discussion about the quote. In my usual way of never starting at the beginning of anything I just randomly turned to a page somewhere in the book. I was so struck by what I read being about exactly what I was thinking of that I marked the page and set it by the computer so that I could address it here. So I get up this morning and read your post ... and again I am struck! What is going on here? I'll share the post with you all and maybe you will be "struck" as well.

Taking Time to See
"Nobody sees a flower, really -- it's so small -- we haven't time, and to see takes time ..."
--Georgia O'Keeffe

"These are the days of the time famine," says Odette Pollar in her newspaper column aimed at helping people work smarter. She cites some interesting statistics. According to a Harris survey, the amount of leisure time enjoyed by the average American has shrunk 37 percent since 1973. In the same period, the average work week, including commute time, has jumped from fewer than 41 hours to nearly 47 hours, and in some cases up to 80 hours a week.

I like the term time famine, and starvation is certainly an appropriate analogy for our situation. Many of us are starved for time and we have a passionate desire to be fed. We are starving for those moments of solitude when we can just hang out, cleaning out a drawer or looking through old letters, with no pressure or guilt. Our starvation deprives us of the nutrition that those in-between times used to give us: a feeling of centeredness in our lives, of awareness of our spiritual needs and those of our families, a confident sense of self-knowledge.

Georgia O'Keeffe's words ring authentic as you look at her paintings of flowers. She spent many hours "doing nothing" with a flower. No time famine for her. Her artistic life in the desert was a statement against the idea. And we continue to benefit from the results.

In a famine -- at least in the best of situations -- those who have help those who have not. Thus a question presents itself: Where are you in the time famine, among the haves or the have-nots? Sometimes one, sometimes the other?

For have-nots: Today, stop and really look at a flower.
For haves: Help someone else to do the same.

Anyone out there not in the time famine? Speaking of which, I better close for now because i've got a lot of things to do today ... go figure!

And yes Andy, i'm definitely "digging this". :-) I just hope our readers are as well. And speaking of readers, check out Sandy's comment on my first post. She found the quote I was looking for. (Thanks Sandy!)

Until next time ...
~Celena

A Bonus Thought...

2006-11-16T22:48:00.000-05:00

This isn't really tied as much to this last posting as it is our earlier ones but an old song I'd heard came to mind and I thought I'd share the lyrics here with you. It essentially deals with the idea of those friends who have come into our life for a season but don't really continue down the path with us the whole way. Thought it was kind of poignant and pertinent to the discussion. Enjoy!

A Season in Your Path
Words and Music by Wayne Watson

Heard that friends are friends forever
But we don't talk much anymore
I guess that I’ve gone my way
And I guess that you've gone yours
Was kindness too neglected
On my list of deep regret?
In spite of distance unexpected
Can we forgive but not forget?

Sometimes I think about you
Some old memories make me cry
Remembering the good times makes me laugh
But all in all I'm richer
For the happy and the sad
And I’m thankful for a season in your path

I guess God alone deciphers
When people need each other most
Who will be the blessed receiver
And who will be the gracious host
And all a servant here can do
Is unto the Lord avail
Content at times to be the wind
And at times to be the sail

If another winter settles
On your shoulder down the road
Without a thought of what’s behind us
Let me help you pull your load

Sometimes I think about you
Some old memories make me cry
Remembering the good times makes me laugh
But all in all I’m richer
For the happy and the sad
And I'm thankful for a season in your path

Good stuff, huh?

- Andy

In the Moment...

2006-11-16T21:50:00.000-05:00

Wow! That is quite an impressive post! Um, and did I mention that it's pretty freakin' long too? Wow. But, good stuff. I really like where you're going with a lot of your thinking here! Anyway, enough with all of that. On with the discussion.

I want to focus right now on the idea that your professor put into your head, that we are to really just live in the present, or in the moment. This is great advice. Most of us live our lives with our focus upon the past (what have we done? what haven't we done? what should we have done?) or in the future (where will I be? what will I be doing? will it be better?), instead of truly living in the moment. I know that this is something that I struggle with daily. It seems like there is always something else to be done, whether it's writing a review, putting a kid to bed, cooking dinner, or whatever and I find that I miss the moments that are right before me.

It's actually funny (and please excuse this writing style as well which is totally just a flow of consciousness thing right now!) but I really have been thinking about this this week as I drove down the traffic-jammed roads, watching people nod their heads to music while talking on their cell phones. We pride ourselves on being multi-taskers, on being people who "accomplish things". Hmmmm....sounds great until you actually live in it.

If I may, for but a moment, revert to my preachery days, I'm reminded of a story from Jesus' life, in which he's hanging out with these two sisters, Mary and Martha. They're the sisters of the guy, Lazarus, that Jesus ends up bringing back to life. Anyway, Jesus comes to see them and Martha dives into the kitchen, fixing this and cooking that. She's obsessed with getting all sorts of preparations done. But her sister, Mary, just sits at the feet of Jesus, enjoying his presence and listening to him speak and teach. Martha gets pissed and storms in, complaining about Mary's supposed laziness. Jesus responds simply. He says:

"Martha, Martha," the Lord answered, "you are worried and upset about many things, 42but only one thing is needed. Mary has chosen what is better, and it will not be taken away from her." (Luke 10:41, 42).

This to me seems to be the same situation. Martha was consumed with what needed to be done, with what had not been done, and so forth that she missed the important thing. Jesus, the Savior of the world, was in her living room and she was worried about baking cookies! We do the same thing in our every day lives. One thing we assume far too readily is that we will have tomorrow. It's a morbid thought for some but it's a reality all the same. We don't know what the next day holds.

Yet, the moment is the only thing we can truly experience and, at least in some ways, have control over. Yesterday is past. There is nothing we can do about the places where we failed or the moments we missed. This is not to diminish the consequences of those mistakes but they are in the past. To beat ourselves up over them is simply foolish. Likewise, the future is beyond our control as well. Certainly it is wise to be prepared for the proverbial rainy day or to work toward a goal, but when, to some degree, you become obsessed with tomorrow and miss out on the blessings of today, you've gone too far.

Monastic spirituality, both Christian and non, greatly deal in this realm. As I've studied the monastic orders some the past year or so, I've become very moved by their devotion to the moment. Each moment is spent trying to taste of all of life, seeing it as a blessing and gift from God above. The cool air on our face, the sunshine breaking down, casting dappled shadows on the fallen leaves, all these are blessings, gifts not to be missed. The call of our child to play, the simple desire in our lover's eye, or a loud belly laugh that comes out of nowhere, all gifts. Yet, we miss them day in and day out. We are obsessed with appearance, judgement, pride, time, and so many other factors that our lives become dictated by outside sources.

This leads me to where I think you're probably heading at the end of your post, with the idea that we outside forces to tell us who we are. We're taught that we are our jobs. Nine times out of ten when we meet people we inevitably find ourselves asking, "So, what do you do?", as though it will give us a glimpse into the depths of their soul. In some ways, sure, there might be some validity to that. But the honest truth is that the waste collector is no worse nor better than the thorasic surgeon or (gotta throw this one in there :) ) rocket scientist! We, especially in my view of faith through the eyes of a Christ-follower, are all on a level playing field. We all have and do screw up. We all cry, die, laugh, live, love, hurt, and long for something better. Our jobs are important to us but they do not define us.

I could probably go on and on but, well, it's late and I'm tired. I'm digging this thing thus far, how about you?

- Andy

Our other blogs

2006-11-15T11:31:00.000-05:00

We have yet to update our profile so I thought I would share with you our own personal blogs.

Andy: http://www.shadowsofthecross.blogspot.com/

Celena: http://www.thefamilycrews.blogspot.com/

Quotes for Life

2006-11-15T09:15:00.000-05:00

I think you hit the nail right on the head Andy. As life goes on, we change. That's a fact of life that we would all be better off to recognize and accept. I think many people have a difficult time evolving/growing/changing when everything else in thier life is the status quo. Maybe we need to part from people who know us so well so that we may reinvent ourselves a bit. I know i've had to do that several times. The really special thing about a good friend is that they are there for you when the time comes to reunite. With no grudges or hard feelings about the time you spent away. That is how you know you have a truly special friend.

I'm reminded as I type this of people in my life that have come and gone that I will most likely never be close with again. I find it interesting that these are the "friends" that seemed most resistant to change. Or could you just call them stubborn? They got stuck in one phase of life and think anyone that goes off and changes themself is no longer friend material. The world would be such a better place if everyone could just open their hearts and their minds to the ever changing ebb and flow of life. To borrow a favorite quote of mine: "Life is a journey, not a destination. Love like you've never been hurt, work like you don't need money, and dance like nobody's watching." Changing the subject a bit here but alas, that is how my crazy mind works and probably how we mean for this blog to work as well. Anyhow .... what I was thinking of is the first sentence of that quote along with another. First let me share the other quote and where it came from and then I will get back to where I was going. (here you will see why Andy is such a better writer than I ... I write like my mind thinks ... he is so much more eloquent)

It was the end of the Spring '99 semester and my parents were getting divorced. There were issues at home that I had to attend to so I asked my Finite Element Methods professor (Dr. Vu-Quoc) if I could speak with him after class. We had a test planned on a day that my family needed me to be home. I asked him if I could take the test either before I left or after I got back. He said he wanted to talk to me first so we stepped outside. He said he could tell my mind had been elsewhere and that I looked a bit stressed. I thought this a bit odd because he was a professor with a very strong accent who had a difficult time getting through to the class. I was very surprised to find him so in tune with me. He told me he didn't care much about the test. He just wanted to share something with me. In his infinite wisdom he said "Live in the present for it is a present". I will remember that day for the rest of my life. I still remember right where we were standing outside the aerospace building at UF.

I have always struggled to maintain balance in my life. Someone once asked me if I were to write a book about life what would I call it? My answer: "The Search for Balance". I tend to let stressful situations invade every aspect of my life. I have always struggled with this. Then I remember the two quotes I shared above and I attempt to once again recenter myself. As my "journey" continues I find myself getting much better at this. What I really wanted to share here is this ... relish the moment you are living in because you never know when it may be your last. You can't take all that money or all those bills with you when you die. Okay, the side of me that wants to be ever prepared is telling me that you need to make sure your affairs are taken care of when you pass so that your relatives aren't left with a mess. This is true but beyond that, don't let that bill you can't pay yet or that test you haven't passed yet or that closet you haven't organized yet invade your brain and keep you from enjoying the moment you are in right now. It is so easy get stuck living for the future or living in the past. In doing so you are wasting the gift of the present. I struggle with allowing myself to have fun because there are so many things that "need to be done" ... or so I think. As a parent and a stay-at-home, work-at-home, all-around-trying-to-be-a-supermom type of person I find it a constant challenge to allow myself a few minutes every day just to enjoy the moment. To make my baby laugh, to help my two-year-old build something with his building blocks, to snuggle with my husband, to play fetch with my dogs ... and the list could go on and on. I shouldn't be thinking about that closet that I still haven't organized while i'm sitting on the floor playing with my baby ... but I do. Do you struggle with this? That closet isn't coming with me when I die but hopefully the spirit of the relationship I have with my children and husband will live forever.

These are the things i've been working on lately. Just trying to allow myself to enjoy life because I really think that's the point. I've struggled a lot with this because I lived for so long working towards "what a wanted to be when I grew up". And i'm proud to say I did that. I was an Aerospace Engineer at NASA ... but now i'm a wife and mom and i'm loving every minute of it ... when I allow myself to, that is. I'm working on letting go of the past and enjoying the present. I'm working on allowing myself to enjoy life and not stress about all the little things like money and that closet I keep mentioning. This leads my mind to another topic that i'll save for a later post ... i'll just hint that it has to do with people associating us with what we are instead of who we are. I made a major change in "what" i am a few years ago and it is very interesting to watch the reactions of everyone around me to that change. But before I digress into that ...

I've been on a Serenity Prayer kick here lately. A very dear friend of mine reminded me of it recently and it really stuck. Since my conversation with her that day I have probably recited it to myself at least ten times. So I will close by sharing it with you ...

"God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change,
the courage to change the things I can,
and the wisdom to know the difference."

Friendships That Go By...

2006-10-30T21:28:00.000-05:00

That's a really good question that you pose toward the end there. Why do we find ourselves letting what were, at least at one time, valuable and good friendships and relationships fall by the wayside? I think the answer has many answers, and for many people, they may be different.

I think the first reason is simply that life gets in the way. Early on in life, in high school and early adulthood, we have tons of time and little money, so our friends are our life. We spend every night, some mornings, and the rest of the time on the phone or emailing them. They are our support structure, even in some ways over and above our parents. We are striking out on our own, we're all in the same boat, and we are here for one another. Yet, somewhere along the line, as college comes and this one moves to go to school three states away, or this one gets engaged, or that one even gets married and has a child, the dynamic changes. Our social structure has suffered a severe fracture, and life as we know it is no longer the same. We have other priorities, careers, and other people who demand our time more. I don't believe that we intend to let those relationships fall by the wayside, in fact, we're probably adamant about not letting that happen. I remember you and I doing the same thing, saying to one another, "Let's not let it go this long between talking again", yet, we did.

I really think that is the number one cause as to why we let that happen. Yet, there's got to be more. Ironically, and I really sound like a parent now, but I think the next part is maturity. As we grow into adults, we really do become new people. Our personalities change because the world around us has drastically changed. No longer are we in the protective bubble of grade school where we know the boundary lines and the social status (i.e, she's the popular one, he's the super jock, she's the school slut) but are now thrust into a world of indecision, uncertainty, and, in some ways, fear. As we deal with these things and learn and grow, we do so in different ways. Some cope through working through these pressing issues and come out on the other side better people. Some press through and get beaten down. Others even retreat, trying to still exist given the same pathos that reigned in high school. As this happens, we find our friendships coming and going, becoming fine tuned by our growth.

I could go on a bit more, and this sounds way more grown up and "know-it-all-ish" than is intended, but it's my two-cents worth on the issue. What do you think?

- Andy

On Friendship

2006-10-27T12:11:00.000-04:00

Andy and I talk about many things. As of late it has been about some of our fellow classmates and old friends from high school. Not in a bad way, just making some observations. Most of us have grown up, gotten married, had kids. But some just seem to be stuck at a point in life which i'm very happy to have moved past. I've been going through a phase lately, probably thanks to class reunion planning and myspace, of reconnecting with old friends. I've realized as i've gotten older just how special true friendships are. Along with the joy of finding old friends comes some regret for letting certain people get away. We are lucky to have things like the internet that allow us to find people we otherwise would never hear from or see again in this lifetime. There is a saying that comes to mind here. It's one about certain people that enter your life and leave an impression that changes you forever. Maybe i'll find the correct wording sometime and post it here. (Until then i'll just run with what I remember of it.) I have been truly blessed to have had such wonderful friends enter my life. I am even more blessed to have the opportunity to reconnect with some of those with whom my life led me away from. We all have many types of friends as we journey through life, some more special than others. There are work friends, acquaintances, soccer team friends, school friends, mom friends, college friends, etc. When you run into someone you haven't seen in five, ten, even fifteen years and it's like you never spent any time away ... that is truly a special thing. I've been very fortunate to have some friends like that in my life. And even more fortunate to have the opportunity to reconnect with them. There are people i've come across in life that I have felt I should be friends with. Some people that i've tried really hard to be friends with. I've realized that life is too short for things like that. When you have to start all over each time you see eachother, even if it's only been a few months, then maybe that friendship just wasn't meant to be. I would much rather spend my time on other things. This may sound harsh and like I won't make any new friends that way but this is not the case. As I sit here thinking of all the special friends that have entered my life I realize something ... none of those people took "work" to become friends with. Things just fell into place. And this goes for every phase of life i've been through. For example, neighborhood friends from childhood like Larry D. Our lives put us in contact with eachother. We lived on the same street. There were plenty of other kids in the neighborhood that I was friends with but I now realize how special of a friend Larry was and now again is. We never had to work on our friendship, it just happened. And after not seeing eachother for twelve years we have found that we are able to pick back up right where we left off. And I am so thankful for that. Then there are school friends like Andy. We just happened to sit next to eachother in fifth grade. We had classes together throughout school and rode the bus together. Circumstances put us together and we easily became friends. We have been out of touch for years at a time but each time we have been able to pick back up like we were never apart. That is a truly special thing. Then there is my college friend Rachel. One of the most special friends and the sister I never had. She was my Maid of Honor when I got married. Rachel and I had many fun times together in college. We have lived in completely different parts of the state and then the country from eachother for six years now yet we are as close as ever. And it doesn't matter if we go two months without talking or two days. It is always the same. There are never any hard feelings for not keeping up with eachother when one of us has a lot going on. We just pick right back up like we just talked yesterday. I am so fortunate to have friends like this to write about. And the best thing is that Larry, Andy and Rachel are not the only ones. There's Cari, Dave, Andre, Rose, Sarah and several others. It is in the spirit of these friendships that I would like to get this blog started. For Andy and I have many great conversations that we would like to share with you.

Here is a question to ponder:
Why is it that we sometimes don't see how special a friendship is until it is gone?

That's all I have for now. I hope you enjoy what comes from this blog as much as Andy and I will enjoy writing it for you.

~Celena

Coming soon to a computer near you ...

2006-08-05T00:47:00.000-04:00

... a conversation between friends.